June 11, 2009

Your Assignment, Should You Choose to Accept - 6/11/09, Part Deux

I already posted one entry this week, you can see it here.

Now, I'm tackling
4.) Write a letter.

Dear Cigarettes,

We've had an on again off again relationship for decades. When I first fell for you at 10 years of age, you took advantage of my youth and naivete, you cad. When that tongue of smoke entered my mouth (I swear it reached all the way to my lungs), I tried to deny your appeal. I coughed, I sputtered, I fell in love. I'd sneak away to be with you. My friends encouraged the relationship; we felt so grown up. We just knew that the other kids were jealous to see you in our company.

But I knew it was not right, and I gave you up. For years, I avoided you, you slender devil, you! I saw you for the evil creature that you are, you killed my father. I vowed to never allow you back in my life.

In my 30s, I was lonely. Again, influenced by friends and co-workers, I let you into my life. Oh, how you relaxed me after a hard day! I was hooked, baby! I mean you are so seductive, so, well...hot!

My daughters hated you, they complained about you. I saw you outside of the house, at work, I kept you a secret. But like all lovers, you left your scent on me.

As time went on, I gave up being secretive about our relationship. My daughters would just have to deal, ya know? I was the grownup here, right? They never understood your appeal. I could overlook your murderous ways, I loved how you made me feel, though it be a temporary rush.

I met others who shared my obsession with you - they understood. I spent more time with you. I craved you, and you never disappointed (though your sparks sometimes caused me pain). My voice got all husky in your presence. Even though I knew you were no good for me, I felt tingly when we were together (I now know it was due to a lack of oxygen).

Well, I finally smarted up. I gave you up. I swore it would be for good. I felt good about the breakup, I was ready to move on. I lasted a mere five months and five days without you (but who's counting?).

In a time of great stress, you showed up. Ahh, sweet rescue! I welcomed you back into my life. This time you stayed for four years. I dumped you again, ready to live without you. Once more, I crumbled. You've been back in my life since November. You came back the month after I got married...flaunting your cool self while I was beginning my new life. My husband was aware of our affair, and he was very upset. He insulted you, and me, about our deception. He was hurt that I chose you to comfort me. His arms would be empty while I sucked up to you.

I need to get you out of my life...for good. Having you here is costing me a lot. You're no good for me. I wish I'd never met you.

I know I need help with this dysfunctional relationship I have with you. Even though I am still desperately attracted to you, I have to give you up...but I feel powerless to do it.

Quit tempting me. Just go away.

13 comments:

  1. Great post, Kim - and I wish you success at quitting, this time for good!

    Sandy

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  2. There's something so appealing about writing letters to express our feelings. I loved this one! Hopefully Cigarette will not respond and then you will know that he was just using you all along anyways. He doesn't deserve the likes of such a fine writer as yourself. You are waaaaay out of his league so just forget about him already! (easier said than done, I know!) Good luck with your battle. Maybe you should write another one entitled, "Dear Nicotine" as I hear that Cigarette works for him. :)

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  3. What a great letter! I wish you the best with giving up this habit - I can't imagine having to!

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  4. That's really hard, you will give them up again, it's just a matter of time. I started smoking when I was 10 and gave it up for good because of my boys! Good luck, You can do it!

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  5. Thanks for all the words of encouragement! I know I can dump this loser, and yes, he has been using me.

    Someday, I'll clear the air, for real.

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  6. OMGosh, I think Cigarette was two-timing you early on. I had an occasional fling with Cigarette and I was told I was the one. I found avoiding friends, foods and drinks we used to enjoy together for a few months helped me to permanently end our relationship. It's been more than 15 years and I feel nothing.

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  7. Vivienne,
    He was with YOU, too? That skinny bastard! I hope he burns in Hell!

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  8. I broke up with Cigarette in November, 2007...our relationship was bad for my health!

    I wish you the best of luck!

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  9. Mom, just quit. Get the patch. Not hacking up a big green loogie in the morning is so worth it! I don't miss it. In 7 days, it's my 3 year anniversary.

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  10. Erin,
    Perhaps I'll quit on your smokaversary!

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  11. Good luck!! This is a great take on this topic!

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  12. The sick addictive lover -- cigarettes. They get around, you know. Everyone I know wants to break up but quite can't make it stick. Good luck with it!

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Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!