August 12, 2009

I Received an Award...Now What?

Missy, from Life in Left Field, gave me an award late last week. I've been struggling what to write about it.

Thank you so much, Missy! I am honored! Humbled, even!

Here's how Missy determines who receives her award (from her post - in blue):

"You all know I think I am brilliant, so I am sure you will agree with me when I say these people are fan-fucking-tastic. I have been handing out the "New Favorite Award" here and there. It's time for a mass awarding. I have really been looking at great newborn or toddler stage blogs lately. I thought you would think me Fab-u-lous for sharing. So here we go.

The following people are entitled to My New Favorites Award. In order to be considered for this award, your blog must be relatively new, I say with in the last 6 months. AND must evoke a response from me... Laughing out loud, Fit the bill for obnoxious, give me something useful in everyday life... You get the idea.
"

As it is my first award, I felt that I should write something heartfelt and profound.

Then I was stuck. Heartfelt? I can do that. Profound? Not so much.

I had one major question about the award:

WHY me? My brain immediately went to that dark place that tells me that I am not deserving. I hate it when THAT tape starts to play in my head. The tape that tells me that I suck, that I am a miserable wench, and not deserving of anything positive. I have earned nothing...it's either an accident, or I've successfully conned someone to think I'm a decent human being.

It's still surprising to me how quickly I fall into that pit of self-loathing, that rut. And like a rut in the mud or snow, my tires seem to be drawn to it (or in the case of my addled brain, my thoughts, get sucked right into that rut that has been in my head since childhood.

My more rational self realizes this stuff is not true. I am an okay person, I am a decent human being. Sure, I have flaws - we all do (don't worry, I'm not listing them here!). But I am truly NOT the horrible creature that exists in that dark corner of my mind.

Why is it that we can more easily recall the negative messages we receive - and apologize or otherwise gloss over the positive remarks we receive?

Or is that just me?

And Missy, what they say is true: You always remember your FIRST.

5 comments:

  1. Be nice to you-- I understand this post, we're so much more forgiving to strangers than we are to ourselves. What I love about "blogworld" is that there are real people out here, not sitcoms or celebrity families we can continuously compare ourselves to.
    Congrats on your first award-- enjoy, you deserved it. :-)

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  2. I also have a hard time taking a compliment. I gave you this award, because for as new as you are to this blog, it's well written, funny and relevant. I can totally relate to a lot of what you say. So there... Plus I noticed you didn't have any pictures of smokin' hot male abs up, so I thought I could help!

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  3. Congratulations on the award, you ARE well deserving of it.

    And no...you're not the only one with the tapes. But now you have a new one to play!!

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  4. June,

    Just wanted to let you know that I have been extremely busy over the last few weeks with "Summer" duties and that is why I have not commented as much on the blogs I am following. Hopefully, things will slow down a bit and I can get back into the swing of things. Still visiting...just not commenting as much. With Summer's end, things will change.

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  5. Since I'm reading your posts I've missed backwards, I'm just going to say "What Linda said." : )

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Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!