1. What's ailing you? Diagnose yourself with a syndrome.
(inspired by Kimberly from Kamp KK)
2. Share with us something you made by hand.
(inspired by Texan Mama via email)
3. Fess up. Tell us what you found after spying on someone.
(inspired by The Scattered Mind of a Tattooed Mini Van Mom)
4. "How are y'all doing it? This summer, I mean? I cannot remember ever being as busy as we've been over the past two months. Those of you who are blogging daily, being as witty and entertaining as ever...I beg of you...HOW?"
(inspired by Lula of Lulaville)
5. What are you afraid of?
(inspired by Life with Kaishon)
Let's give #1 a go, shall we?
I have been diagnosed with EUM - Eternal Unemployment Melancholia.
I have been unemployed so long, if I were Dumbo's mother, I'd have had the time to give him a new sibling. I have even been unemployed so long, I have all day to look up the gestation period of an elephant.
I decided to list my syndrome like they do on WebMd.
What is Eternal Unemployment Melancholia (EUM)? EUM is characterized by pain in the coccyx (tailbone, aka ass), a lighter wallet, and a more ample derriere, due to the endless hours spent in front of the computer looking for a non-existent job. Eyestrain is common among EUM sufferers (and suffer they do). Foot pain is common among patients who pound the pavement looking for work. EUM sufferers are also at an increased risk for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, from
EUM is caused by this swirling maelstrom of negativity called the economic recession. As long as corporate America cares only about profit, and more jobs are outsourced to India and China, EUM will be a prevalent diagnosis. The incidence of EUM has increased dramatically over the last two years. DOL estimates that rates could run as high as 10.8% before relief is felt.
Even without a definitive diagnosis of EUM, patients are themselves aware that they suffer from this disorder. Constant comments about sitting on one's ass collecting unemployment are counterproductive.
Resentment, especially of people who flaunt their good fortune
Pain in the coccyx (tailbone)
Inability to change out of pajamas until well after noon
There is also a strong psychological component to EUM. Patients with EUM often report feelings of hopelessness, uselessness (like normally found in clinical depression), and report a diminishing sense of self-esteem.
Friends and family members of the patient should NOT constantly remind the patient that something must be wrong with them, that there's no reason not to have a job after this long. This is VITAL. Stop it, all of you.
How is EUM diagnosed?
Diagnosis is not made by a doctor. Commonly, the patient's state Department of Labor determines when a patient is classified as having EUM. Typically, diagnosis is made after 26 weeks' of unemployment compensation has been dispensed.
Note: In this economic downturn, patients have been given an extension of unemployment compensation, resulting in a later diagnosis of EUM.
How is EUM treated?
Duh, by getting a job, of course! EUM will spontaneously go into remission when the patient finds comparable gainful employment, though feelings of resentment tend to take longer to resolve.
Patients with EUM cannot visit their physician for care. EUM patients have no health insurance, unless they can afford the exorbitant COBRA insurance rates.