August 20, 2009

Your Assignment, Should You Choose to Accept - 8/20/09


Another week has flown by, and once again, it's time for the witty and wonderful writing prompts from Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

This week's prompts:
1.) What will you be doing now that the kids are back in school?


2.) Things I have learned from my toddler.(inspired by Michelle from Honest And Truly)
(Inspired by Big Mama Cass from The World Through My Eyes).

3.) What would you put in your favorite things giveaway?
(inspired by Jill from Scary Mommy who is having a favorite things giveaway right NOW! Check it out!!)

4.) Hi, my name is ______ and I am a _______.
(inspired by Emmy from Emmy Mom One Day At A Time.)

5.) If these walls could talk...
(inspired by JennyMac from Let's Have A Cocktail)

This week, I chose promp #5.

If these walls could talk...


I had a chat with my walls. They are quite shy, and didn't want to share today. So I thought and thought - and decided that there were a se
t of walls that must have lots of interesting stories to tell.

My imagination went wild, I tell ya!


I decided to focus my post today on the ubiquitous (go ahead, look the word up, I'll wait) walls of the fitting rooms at America's favorite discount chain, Wal-Mart.

They say the "walls have ears" - let me tell you, th
ese walls have mouths, and they weren't afraid to open up and tell me stuff.

Here's what they wanted you all to know:

To the size 18 ladies trying on the size 14 bikinis? Quit trying to put eight pounds of sugar in a five-pound sack, ok? It's not going to fit. You'll rip the seams - and some little girl in China who sewed those seams will k
now; and she will cry when she goes to bed tonight. Shop in the Plus Size department already.

To the skanky women who try on clothes while they are going 'commando'?
Stop.it. You've already befouled the public restrooms (those walls talk, too). Stop in the Accessories department and pick up some Fruit of the Loom panties, then stop in Housewares and buy some soap and come back again after you've had a nice bath.

To the little kids with the constant nasal drainage?
Don't wipe your snot on me. It clashes with the nice blue wall color. And it's a dirty, nasty habit. Tell your mom to buy some tissues.

To the teenage couples who use one of our dressing rooms as their quickie love nest?
Get a room. Don't be talkin' nasty in here, other decent people can hear you...maybe even your parents. But first, stop in the
Pharmacy department and buy some Trojans.

To the men who try on the most hideous clothes - picked out by their wife?
Have you no pride, man? Grow a pair and dress yourself. You look like a moron.

To the shoplifters? There just may be a camera in the fitting room. We're not sayin' there IS one, but we're not sayin' there ISN'T, either.

And we have LPOs (Loss Prevention Officers) watching to see if you come out of the room wearing the same outfit you had on when you went in. Rest assured that the outfit you are stealing looks a lot better on you than the jumpsuits at the local jail.

Oh, and here's what the cool fitting rooms have.


Stop by Mama Kat's and check out all the fun!

18 comments:

  1. That's classic...and I am sure they have a whole lot more to say than that!

    I don't know that I would want to know what our local walmart's walls had to say!

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  2. Oh! Great post! Love it. Wise advice. I think some stores do have cameras watching dressing rooms. That just creeps me out to no end.

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  3. I am a little creeped out by the thought of cameras in the changing room. I'm going to be constantly checking now, lol

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  4. Oooo...this is a good one. I worked retail (not wal-Mart) for 7 years and I am afraid of what our fitting rooms would say.
    "I may be small but I am not a bathroom, please do not pee, poop, or change your tampon in here!!"
    True stories!

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  5. Well done! I think you may have a career in getting walls to talk.

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  6. June...another classic Cleaver post! I am telling you what...you need to send these to the paper and start a daily column...your observations of human nature are so funny but the kick is...they often have a tinge of truth to them!

    Dan

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  7. Great post. The walls failed to mention the maximum occupancy rule - If you are squiring around 20 pre-schoolers, it is not a good time to herd them all into the changing room as you try on that new swimsuit.

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  8. Oh this is too funny! I am not sure I want to know all the things those walls have seen! Yikes!

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  9. First laugh of the day! You need your own variety show. You're full of skits (or sh*t, but I like it either way) :)

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  10. LOL my walls tell me that when I try to fit into the skinner pants ... LOL

    My husb is a LP that is too funny, love it! The things he tells me about these people ... UGH

    Thanks for stopping by and your super kind words I really needed that and appreciated it!

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  11. i like yor style! great post!

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  12. Oh my gosh, that is HILARIOUS! And oh so true. Love it.

    Stopping by from Mama Kat's.

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  13. I think those walls oughta write a book or something!

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  14. Wonderful ... as usual!

    And I will never ever use a dressing room in Wal-Mart for the rest of my life. I haven't yet (though I confess I do buy clothes from there ... ARGH!) and I think I'll keep it that way. I "guesstimate" and then try on at home and return whatever is bad.

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  15. You forgot about the men who try on clothes for the "wife". Also forgotten were teh skank college students who think they look like a Victoria Secret model and dress as one of the companies angel models for Halloween. They don't realize it is a dressing room for both men and women when they run from room to room in their skivies.

    Trust me it happens, I used to work in the fitting room once a week.

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Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!