April 28, 2010

"Are You Happy?" What Kind of a Question is That?

Last week, I called my sister-in-law to wish her a Happy Birthday (I never forget her birthday, it's the same day as mine). Anyway, she's telling me the GREAT news that her cancer is in remission, and relaying other family info.

Then, mid-sentence, she asks "Are you happy?", like it was something that was important for her to know at that very minute. I know she wants me to be happy, but I had the sense that she NEEDED for me to feel that way.

Even weirder yet was my response. "Yes, I'm happy" - and I didn't hesitate at all. 

Why is this weird? Because I am often of the pessimistic persuasion. I am cynical, sarcastic - some people might describe me as downright negative. And I think too much - I over analyze situations, people and random comments I hear in everyday conversation. I obsessively look up stuff online, just to make sure I have all the factual details I need about news stories I hear on the TV.

I've been called the Google Queen...by more than one person.

Yet I had no need to take inventory of my feelings; to gauge how I'm feeling, to compute the "God, this day sucks" ratio compared to good days.

I'm happy. And I wanted her to know I was happy. I could determine that any current disagreements or inconveniences I encounter were just petty and recognize that I, indeed, am happy.

Even though The Mister and I are unemployed, and money is tight. Job prospects are non-existent. And the two of us are together, at home.all.the.time. And The Boy continues to have his challenges. And I'm far away from my daughters and their families. And I have no idea what I should be when I "grow up". Despite suffering from depression off an on for decades, even when times were easy.

Am I delusional? Maybe. Crazy? Perhaps.

Fat, dumb and happy? You bet. 

If I start posting syrupy, sappy crap, or decorate my blog with unicorns and rainbows, or so help me God, start saying positive stuff about Kate Gosselin, promise that one of you will schedule an internet intervention - because then you'll know I've moved from happy to a very scary place.

Oh, and before I forget - are YOU happy? 
 

8 comments:

  1. Hi there! What a great blog you have here! I was reading your post and it just cracked me up...you definitely have a way with words! Oh, I found your blog when I was over at Texan Mama's blog. I thought that your name looked interesting! :)

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  2. Yes, I am happy, too ... thanks for asking! I went through a tough time years ago and finally started a Gratitude Journal that really helped me get back to positive thinking. Every night before I could lay down, I had to write 5 things I was grateful for that day in my journal. I kept writing the same couple of things over and over; then I noticed I was starting to really look for positive things so I'd have something different to write about. Put me on the positive track. So glad you are happy in your life - thanks for sharing!!!

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  3. Yes, I'm happy :) Glad you are too!

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  4. I am happy...and relieved you aren't posting unicorns and positive Kate Gosselin stories.

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  5. Reading your post just made me happy! Thanks! Besides, I would hate to see you with unicorns and rainbows!

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  6. Laughing my head off at "unicorns and rainbows." I'm happy! Glad you are, too. Here's a rainbow. :)

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  7. I think the only way to answer that question is to be asked it the way you were: out of the blue and without any thought. I'm glad to hear that the answer was YES!

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Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!