1.) “I’m mad at myself. I’m embarassed. I can’t believe after all these years, I’m still talking about my weight.” Poor Ope. What are you mad at yourself about?
Ya know what I'm mad about?
Not going back to school to finish a Bachelor's degree.
I didn't do it after I got an Associate's degree. What a maroon! I should have stayed the course and finished the damned thing. But no, there were kids to take care of, and my marriage was falling apart. Life got in the way. I lost myself in my cares.
And in all the
When I got laid off in October 2007, I should have gone to finish my degree. Here it is, 2010, and I have no job AND no degree. True, I had no money. And I had The Boy to worry about.
And then I moved to MO and got married. And became June Freaking Cleaver.
Why didn't I do the degree after I got here? I'd be just about done now. Crap.
Here are some
a. I STILL don't know what I wanna be when I grow up. I have this fight going on in my head - do I do what I am passionate about (what AM I passionate about?), or get a career where I can earn some CASH?
b. Have you noticed that I'm OLD? Who the hell wants to pay off student loan debt with their Social Security check?
c. Speaking of being old, do I even have the brain power and intestinal fortitude I'd need to get through classes? I know myself well enough to know that I'd want good grades - I wouldn't settle for average. Family time would suffer.
d. Did I mention I'm OLD? Who the hell would hire me, even if I have a degree? Doesn't anyone know that were in a recession here, folks? Age discrimination, though illegal, is very real.
e. I still have The Boy. Yes, now he's an adolescent - the problems are different. I just don't know how he would deal with all the time I'd have to spend away from home. As it is, if I was 10 minutes late coming home from work, he was calling the office and fretting.
f. This list wouldn't be complete without some acknowledgment of my abject laziness. There, I said it - I'm a slug, but my slime trail is invisible.
Oh, I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at my indecision, at the economy, and mad that I squandered opportunities in the past.
Bad June, bad. I think I need a timeout.
2.) Divorce Dreams…a tempting alternative? A disaster to be avoided? Ever an option? Advice? What’s your take?I've done the divorce thing - twice. I dreamed about it beforehand. I thought how much better life would be without my husband(s). And ya know what? At some point, it IS better. But it's a long, dark, stormy trip to get to the good stuff.
Divorce is easier, IMO, if you are the one doing the leaving, rather than the one being left - I've been on both sides of THAT fence.
Divorce is expensive. Divorce is painful. Divorce makes you cry, even when the divorce was your idea.
Divorce is hard on the children, even if they think you should get divorced, too.
The first year after you separate and decide to divorce is the hardest year you'll ever face. You will mourn your marriage (even the worst match up had some good parts), you will have to learn how to be a single parent (and all that THAT job entails). Your children will be moody and sad and scared and regress. It will suck a big one.
You will learn about the scum of the Earth - attorneys (my apologies to any member of the Bar who is offended). You will spend countless time and way too much money arguing to keep things that don't matter in the long run. Custody and visitation court dates will eat up your time, your mind, and your money.
You will, at times, wonder why you thought of divorce in the first place - then you'll see your ex, and you'll remember.
And after that horrible year is up, and you find a rhythm in life, and things start to go well?
You'll know that, despite the pain and the expense, and the toll on the children - that you did the right thing. And you'll smile, a little.
Then you'll drive to the auto parts store and play "helpless female" to get the young guy behind the counter to change your wiper blades.
Trust me, it works.
4.) List 10 rules you’ve unlearned (meaning 10 things you thought were expected of you or were the “right way” of doing things, but that you now ignore).1. The fashion police do not detain me if I dare to wear white after Labor Day.
2. Nobody I've ever known has drowned after downing a meal less than an hour before going swimming in a pool.
3. You can eat sour cream after the expiration date (it's already sour).
4. No matter how many Disney cartoon movies you watch, Prince Charming will NOT be stopping by to rescue your ass. Make your own "happily ever after".
5. Despite many warnings from my mother, my face did NOT freeze "that way".
6. Eating all of the food on my dinner plate will not save one starving child in Ethiopia.
7. Being hyper-attentive to how clean your kids are, and what they touch, will NOT prevent them from catching every popular virus in the neighborhood.
8. I used to think that writing a list of tasks was the best way to keep on top of things. Now I find I lose the list.
9. I used to think that I was worthless if I wasn't the perfect parent. Now I know that being a "good enough" parent is good enough.
10. I used to believe in The Golden Rule. Now I know that with some people, it should be "do unto others BEFORE they do unto you".