This one time I was sleeping and…(inspired by Jennifer W. from Momma Made It Look Easy).
Things you oddly obsessed about as a child. (inspired by Wendy from Like My Baby).
Why I Can Prove that Sleep is Over-ratedThis story happened when The Boy was still a preschooler...and he still napped. I had a migraine that day, and was grateful to be able to nap on the couch while he was napping in his bed. I'm sure I had lovely rainbow and unicorn-filled dreams. I bet I was also dreaming about loaded baked potatoes and wheat toast.
Why? Well, this one time I was sleeping, I awoke to the smell of butter. Butter? Yes, I was convinced of it. I smelled butter.
In truth, it was that famous and tasty 51% vegetable oil spread, Country Crock. Curious, that.
I opened my eyes and sat up. My arm looked positively shiny. And it also smelled of fake butter.
I looked across the room and saw The Boy.
Rolling on the carpeted floor.
And on the carpet?
A huge oil slick consisting of Country Crock. The Boy looked so happy - and fairly jaundiced. His skin had a shiny, yellow tint.
During my nap, he also slathered the stuff in my hair - I must say, my hair had a sheen like never before...nor since.
It took FIVE baths to get The Boy de-greased. And the oil slick left in the bathtub was quite a chore to get rid of, too.
I never fully removed the oil stain from the carpet (say goodbye, security deposit).
I haven't slept soundly since that fated day...
unless you count the time that a certain six-year old Boy ordered Christmas presents from an 800 number...with my credit card. I wrote about THAT story here.
My Childhood (and Childish) ObsessionsThe things we think about! Even now, my mind is often found in the pursuit of useless knowledge. Here are a few things I used to think about when I was a kid:
- I used to wonder if I saw things differently through my brown eyes - differently from my blue-eyed brothers and father. I know they often explained things much differently than I did, or remembered things that I forgot (and vice versa). I do know that eye color has nothing to do with it now - but I used to ponder about that possibility as a child.
- I was a bleeding heart liberal kinda kid. I distinctly remember in 5th grade, we had to write a paper "If I Were in Charge of the World" - my paper espoused the values of reading and swimming (two of my favorite activities); I was also ahead of the curve on other things - I wanted to end poverty and pollution. I wanted children to live without fear of child abuse. I was a pretty serious child, I guess, even then.
- I wanted to find out the ideal speed at which a kid should run down the hallway, enter my bedroom in an effort to do a perfect somersault onto my double bed (complete with standing 'dismount'). I know I spent a lot of time one summer working on my form. At one point, in an attempt to break a record in hardwood floor sliding, I sprayed our hallway with Pledge and ran and slid quite a distance in my socks, beating the previous record set by my brother.
- One of my favorite positions on my bed was to lie crossways, on my back, with my head over the edge of the bed. If my hair brushed against the bedroom floor, I knew I was in the proper position for one of my favorite obsessions: Imagining what it would be like to walk on the ceiling. I so wanted to be able to do that. I learned how to stand on my head merely as a way of determining how far my feet were from that goal.
A place where we can all walk on the ceiling...and wonder why the government is all topsy-turvy.
Photo courtesy of dellstopsecret.com