|Asst. Principal Lamar Bone|
So I've had to re-think this whole mom thing. I finally figured out my role here.
You remember the Assistant Principal - walking around, looking important, but knowing he was the second in command (remember, I went to school when only men had those administrative jobs).
I AM the Assistant Principal here at the Cleaver compound. It's a
I assure attendance is maintained. The Boy gets on that school bus on time.
I roam the house turning off dripping faucets, picking up stray socks the cat has dragged around, throwing away food packages that can't find their way to the trash, and dirty dishes that haven't visited the dishwasher.
I turn off lights, close doors.
I admonish and
"Sit up straight."
"Don't slam the door."
"Don't plop on the furniture."
"Turn down that headset, I can hear what you're listening to."
"Feed the cat."
"Unload the dishwasher."
"Take your meds."
Most of the time, I say 'please' first. That rarely guarantees compliance. It seems that being a hardass gets The Boy's attention more often.
I give reminders about bad language and manners.
I utter vague threats about punishments I don't deliver.
I ensure that the trash and recyclables go to the curb on the designated day.
I make appointments, I sign papers, I mail stuff. I refer to the school calendar, and mutter about how many half days these kids have.
'Professional development', my ass. The teachers just want to hang out together.
I take great pains to prepare meals that the Department of Agriculture would be happy to serve.
When I am alone in my home/office, I do meaningless tasks and paperwork. I wait for phone calls where I can speak with authority to unseen callers.
I am the lame duck administrator, longing for real power and authority.
Give me a kid I can
I really must insist that I get a clipboard and a rubber stamper with my signature...I'm sure that those will make all the difference.
I feel more powerful already.