December 06, 2010

Blog as a Metaphor for Life


Reality funny picture




I think I may have reached the end of the road on this blog. 

It appears that if I write my true feelings about family matters, I have people upset with me.

And I hate feeling guilty. 


I don't want the blog to be all sunshine and unicorns - that would be disingenuous, and make me feel physically ill for lying.

And I hate puking.

I'd like the blog to be MY truth, as I see it...whether that truth agrees with everyone else's opinion.


The Boy and I just returned from Phoenix. We saw my mom, probably for the last time. My feelings regarding the visit are complex. Even The Boy said that seeing Grandma was his favorite part of our trip, and also the saddest and scariest part.

I was sucker punched my own mortality on this visit. 


My brother Gary and his wife Nancy were wonderful to us. They are a very happy couple - I'm glad they found each other, they both deserve every happiness. They are enjoying life to the fullest, even when life throws obstacles in their path.


I am not enjoying my life to the fullest. I am mostly existing.


This makes me sad.

And I hate crying.

I am ashamed of the opportunities I haven't taken, the miniscule risks I have avoided. 

And I hate feeling shame.


I want more out of my blog.


I have some big thoughts to think about my blog - about who I want to be, and where I want to focus my energies...do I leave behind this blog, and June Freaking Cleaver?


Or is this blog my connection to a bigger world than the one I currently take up space in?


Who am I here to please, anyway?


Guess some of these questions aren't about the blog after all.

Image source



6 comments:

  1. Please don't leave. I love your blog.

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  2. I know exactly what you mean as far as the blog goes...its hard to figure out your place and to be true to YOU

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  3. Don't leave. I always come away from your posts feeling like I have just learned a new perspective on life. Even on the bad days.

    I also struggle with truth. Most of the time, I have nothing funny or positive to say. That's when I get sarcastic and dark, or I don't write at all. I don't like that part of me, but I think it's a part that we all share. You are one of the few who have the guts to talk about it. Sometimes hearing it from another is all I need to get through my day.

    Thank you for being you. Please stick around!

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  4. I think we all have some of these thoughts at time. but,, you can stop writing but you can't make us go away, lol, too late for that. We have become part of your writing, and yes write to please yourself. It is your world. You are sharing it with us and we all appreciate that you include us eventhough "we" sometimes become weight to your burden..lol. all in a good light.
    ,,,just my opinion,, thanx glenn

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  5. I TOTALLY understand. I'm probably gonna get a lot of flack over my post today on my Happy At Home blog but I had to get it out. What a lot of people don't understand is that writing what's happening (the good and the bad) helps. I think you should do whatever makes YOU happy. If leaving here is what's best for you, then you should go. I would hate it if you were gone. You've helped me so many times, you don't even know but I would understand and support whatever decision you made.

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  6. I'm not surprised you are having some fallout from your posting ... you are brutally honest in the best of ways ... much more so than I am. There are things I just choose not to share but you seem to put it all out there. I respect that but I could see that it could make "real" life difficult. I would hate to see you stop blogging totally, but I can understand if you want to take it in another direction. Give it some time. Don't make any hasty decisions. You can also quit this and start another one from scratch and make it a different tone. Good luck figuring things out.

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Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!