I try to keep my distance
As your scent weakens my resistance
I avoid eye contact, and ignore your 'come hither' allureFail! I ate chocolate - can I have some more?
Describe one time when I felt left out
(like it ever stopped)
Growing up as the only girl in a family with four brothers had some advantages. I never had to share a bedroom, nobody messed with my stuff, and I had my Dad wrapped right around my little finger. But I think I missed a lot by not having sisters in my life.
Women who grew up with sisters seem to have this way of having friendships with other females that are close and passionate. They share secrets, wishes, desires - and support each other when times get tough.
I've only had one female friend like that. My friends are more like acquaintances. I can be friendly, but I'm going to spill my guts to them. I still hold a part of myself separate from them, even when they are unburdening themselves to me.
I was a tomboy as a kid. I preferred football to Barbie, would rather ride my bike than play beauty shop, or worry about makeup. I still don't wear makeup. I thought most little girls were giggly and silly - they were scaredy cats...I was not. I never got chosen last for a team on the playground. I was tough, I was funny.
In adolescence, I didn't "get" the way girls acted all giggly in front of the boys. There were no pictures of teen idols on my walls. I thought smart was superior to pretty; and I valued a strong-willed attitude over acting like a pushover.
My mom didn't let me socialize much, so I missed that bosom buddy friendship thing that can happen when girls are teenagers - though I've seen close relationships with my daughters and their girlfriends.
I think I missed the window of opportunity on how to perfect my feminine wiles. I'm too direct. I don't "do" coy. I think I'm a lousy flirt, though I can work wonders with the double entendre. I don't enjoy the stereotypical activities of gossip and shopping.
I hate shopping malls, and if I have to enter one, I have a personal time limit of an hour before I tear out all my hair and run screaming for the exits.
I wouldn't know the difference between a Coach bag and a Louis Vuitton satchel if an old lady hit me with either one of them in the checkout line.
I still don't "get" it. Why do women lose their spine and act weak around men? I've only used that ploy when I want the guy at Auto Zone to attach my license plate to the car, or to change my windshield wiper blades. And afterwards? I felt deceitful, dirty...yet triumphant.
Oh, the guilt!
My sense of isolation has increased since I moved here, and haven't been working. I have no close friends anymore, I don't go out to lunch or talk at a co-worker's desk about our kids. I do connect with my co-workers at the tax office, but we're open during lunch, and the job ends in April.
Although I know I have many things in common with some women, that closeness is hard for me to attain. I remain friendly, and a good listener, but if I'm going to sit and let you cry yourself through a box of Kleenex about your marital troubles, you may or may not notice how uncomfortable all this icky feeling stuff makes me feel. And you probably won't have me on your doorstep in tears, either. I'll do my crying alone, and discuss my problems with you later...just know that if you want to cheer me up, don't show me the great deal you got on a darling Prada clutch at the outlet store.
I don't look pretty when I'm gagging.