January 20, 2011

Writer's Workshop - 01/20/11 - The Delusional Among Us

It's time for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. Isn't her new button nifty?

I liked most of the prompts she chose for us this week, but I've narrowed my selection to two of the prompts (appearing below, in bold).



Something unique you love about your significant other.



Unique is The Mister's middle name. Ok, I lie...but for certain, they broke the mold when The Mister joined this universe. He has many endearing qualities (and I make fun of try to overlook his less than endearing ones).


But the one quality that he has that provides me with endless hours of amusement (and more than enough blog fodder along the way)? 


The Mister, simply put, is DELUSIONAL.


There, I've said it. In black and white, for all the world to see.

Damn, that feels good, getting it in print.

First, let's look at how Merriam-Webster defines delusion, shall we?

a persistent false psychotic belief regarding the self or persons or objects outside the self that is maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary; also : the abnormal state marked by such beliefs 

For example, The Mister is under the mistaken impression that I am NOT a princess. Now, I've been patient. I've not stomped my foot and demanded, well, a footman, nor whined about the lack of ladies in waiting. He persists in believing that I am a mere commoner - he totally denies my unrealistic belief birthright as Princess June, Duchess of my domain. 

And in this deluded state we he resides in, he pretty much insists that I perform menial tasks around the palace...uh, I mean home. Not once has he escorted me to a royal ball, nor stood with me in a receiving line to greet international dignitaries.

He laughs aloud when I ask him when my tiara is due to be delivered. Then he makes some strange comment about the family jewels being stored in his pants.

I totally made that part up, about the pants. Naughty princess, aren't I?


Another example of his delusional state is his insistent thought about his being "the one in charge around here". But because I love the poor addlebrained lumpkin, I merely roll my eyes and let him keep on believing he's the boss.


His delusions even carry into his shopping habits. A romantic gift for me on our first Christmas?


A computer chair. Can you say 'whoop-dee-do'?

Reasonable facsimile of my chair


Sure, it's comfy, and it leans back so I can rock. It rolls from place to place. But a CHAIR? Where in the book Love Languages are computer chairs mentioned? And you'll never see 'chair' on the list of appropriate anniversary gifts.


Doesn't it just scream romance?


I spoke to the delusional Mister this evening (he's still working out of town), and he wanted me to say that I LOVE the chair. I sit in it for countless hours each day (and have the seam marks permanently etched into my butt cheeks as proof). I even tell the grandkids to "get OUT OF MY CHAIR!" when they deign to sit on it.


It's all true. I do love the chair. I sit in it all the time. I go absolutely batshit crazy if someone else sits in it (ok, not really crazy, but I want to sit in it).

It's MINE.

I AM the Princess, after all.

And if I take off my glasses and turn my head at a 23 degree angle when the room is dimly lit AND look at it JUST THE RIGHT WAY, it kind of resembles a throne. 

Go ahead, look at the picture my way...while you do that, I'll be watching for UPS to deliver my tiara.


10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be Friends With SARAH PALIN

  1. I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to moose meat.
  2. I don't care if she can see Russia when she looks out her window. If I was dumb enough to climb on my rooftop, I could see Illinois.
  3. She gets sound bites and press coverage for coining new words, like 'refudiate'. I coin new words sometimes on Post-it Note Tuesday, and all I get are a few measly comments. And by 'measly', I mean to say 'Thank you so much for leaving such witty and insightful comments!' 
  4. Katie Couric got the goods on her about her failure to read about current events. There's no way we could ever discuss popular bestsellers or the news. And from the names she picked for her children, Track, Trig, Willow, Piper and Bristol - it proves that she never pored over Name Your Baby, either.
  5. When she winks, I feel nauseous.
  6. 'Hopey, changey' - 'nuff said.
  7. She went camping with Kate Gosselin. If that doesn't show a severe lack in judgment, I don't know what does.
  8. I could suffer hearing damage if she decided to follow her own advice of "Don't retreat, reload".
  9. If we spent time together, I'm afraid that my IQ would get in sync with hers, the way women's menstrual cycles do.
  10. I prefer to have friends who are less scary.
Be sure to read all the great responses on Mama Kat's site!


19 comments:

  1. The whole time you were discussing the chair I immediately thought throne, but then that made me think toilet, and then I thought a tuffett? A Tiara would go well with a tuffett wouldn't it?

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  2. Haha, loved your stories about your hubby, and laughed out loud at the Palin stuff. I'm not sure who I dislike more, Palin or Gosselin....

    Just here via Mama Kat!

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  3. Your list is awesome. I think I'm allergic to moose meat, too. And "severe lack of judgment" is a very fitting phrase.

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  4. Great response to the "10 Reasons..." prompt! I love making fun of Sarah Palin...hilarious list.

    I chose this prompt, too, but I used snowmen in place of Eskimo Palin. If you have time, I'd love to see what you think, Your Highgness!

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  5. Where have I been? I didn't know Sarah P and Kate G had camped together. Amazing how Kate "disdains" the media that she continues to try so hard to appeal to.

    Pass the moose meat!

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  6. Well good grief the Mr. needs to recognize the presence of greatness when he sees it. I mean I see it.. why can't he??

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  7. I think a lot of husbands may be delusional. Great post!

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  8. Got here from Mama Kat's. :)

    Your post made me LOL from my station during breaktime. :) My co-employees were looking at me like I was high. :P

    Yeah, most husbands think that they're kings of their own households, but as the movie Big Fat Greek Wedding says, "The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck. It can make the head turn into any direction it wants." Or something like that.

    I also laughed about the whole Sarah Palin thing. :P

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  9. Okay, I'm rolling over the chair as is, but your Sarah Palin stuff is PRICELESS!
    ;-)
    I think I'm allergic to moose meat, too.

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  10. My husband is often delusional too so don't worry! Very funny post:)

    Stopping by via Mama Kat's today!

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  11. I can't decide which line I love more the one about the family jewels or your fear of synchronizing IQs with Palin! Thanks for the laugh!

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  12. The chair was hysterical and THEN I got to the funny part. OMG Love it!
    http://lindaoconnell.blogspot.com/

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  13. Clearly the Mister is delusional with a capital D

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  14. Oh, I love that you picked Palin as your "I Can't Be Friends With" subject! I agree with you 100%.

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  15. Not to be picky, but you said the Mister is delusional in bright red caps ... not in black and white. : )

    And I'm with 100% on Ms. Palin. Ugh.

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  16. I'm pretty sure this is my first visit to your blog, and after reading your list about Sarah Palin, I will be visiting a lot more often! :)

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  17. I think we are married to the same guy...is that possible??

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  18. And,this...THIS??

    Is why you are June.Freakin.Cleaver.

    I loved this.

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  19. Anyone who even considers going somewhere with Kate deserves what they get.

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Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!