Uh...not me. The Boy had to tell me. Bad mom.
My excuse? Every day with The Boy is Autism Day; every day with The Boy is an adventure. I never know just what is going on in his mind from minute to minute.
Although The Boy knew the definition of 'literal' and 'figurative' by the time he was five years old (he had a freakingly large vocabulary, and was reading everything), he had a lot of trouble understanding figurative language, idioms and figures of speech.
Here are some examples:
We're riding in the car (he was probably 4), and we're listening to the Delilah radio program. The Boy adored that program. He loved the music and the dedications. Even then, he was sappy.
He's sitting in the back seat, listening intently, when the singer says, "Put your hands together now". I wait to hear The Boy begin to clap.
Nope. I look in my rear view mirror, and he's sitting there, quietly listening, his hands clasped together as if he were in deep and solemn prayer. Then he asks me why I'm laughing, and I don't have the heart to tell him.
Why Can't I Just Locate Some Duct Tape?The Boy loved him some Garfield. And his big sister Erin was his supplier. His entire bedroom was outfit in all things related to that fat, orange cat. Sheets, comforter, pillow, slippers, yada yada yada - Garfield.
One day, he brings his pillow to me - and wants to confess something. Uh oh.
On the pillowcase, were the following words: "Why can't we tape the sunrise and watch it later?"
The Boy said, "I used to think that it meant that we would somehow get tape up into the sky and tape the sun in place, and look at the sunrise at a time that was more convenient for us."
Again, With the MusicThe Boy, like most kids, would get antsy at Christmas time. By Christmas Eve, he was a bundle of nervous energy. He was concerned even about me going to bed early, and not lingering in the living room. And for God's sake, I couldn't sleep on the couch!
Sure, he wanted him to come to our house. Yep, he wanted presents. Then he wanted Santa to get the heck outta Dodge, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
Just get OUT, fat guy.
His reason? The song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" - he was convinced that I was gonna get a little lip action with the jolly fellow.
Believe Everything You ReadThis one is my absolute favorite.
When The Boy was about six, I took him to Kidapalooza, a children's festival in Pittsburgh. He had a good time looking at all the kid-themed stuff, and from a distance, he enjoyed watching costumed characters performing.
Oh, I guess I should mention the numerous vendors who were selling tons of
I'm a pushover, of course I bought it for him. After we got home, we made it spin around on a table and watched it and giggled about it. For some reason, he insisted that we keep the packaging it was wrapped in. The next morning, I found out why.
Immediately after breakfast, The Boy gets his spiral disc and lies down on the floor on his back, the disc on his abdomen.
He asks me to make the disc spin. Within seconds, he looks disgusted, and says, "What a ripoff!" He gets up from the floor and gets the package the disc came in.
Right on the package, in large letters, it says
WARNING: Do not use on a full stomach. May cause nausea.