April 27, 2011

Evil Plan Thwarted!

I thought I had it all worked out.

I would not be denied.

This is my first full week of blessed unemployment - no more driving to the tax office at the crack of 9am.

The Boy is in school, and The Mister is out of town. 


Since my car needs life support, I knew I'd have to tough it out at home.

I had all sorts of devious plans (which mostly consisted of loafing). I figured I'd get lots of Netflix viewing accomplished, and I'd read a library book. I'd watch Dancing with the Stars in relative peace and quiet (because the relatives are gone).


Yesterday morning, I was off to a good start. I nagged encouraged The Boy to get himself ready for school and out the door to his bus on time.

I nibbled on leftover Easter candy and read a few blog posts - and, as always, left amazingly snarky touching and heartfelt comments.

I had just finished watching Monday night's Dancing with the Stars...and then all my plans for home and world domination went down the shitter.

I heard footsteps on the deck. 

Oh, it must be the microwave oven we ordered! Yowzah!

But there was no knock on the screen door. I heard the screech of metal on metal...someone was opening the screen door (must buy WD-40).

Who does this? What kind of homicidal monster is attempting to enter my sanctuary?

I stand by the door and slowly turn the knob...OH NO!

I felt like screaming...but no sound emitted from my lips.

My worst nightmare has come true.

The Mister is home for the rest of the week. Flooding near his job site makes it impossible for him to go to work.

Damn you, Mother Nature!

All of my plans, ruined.

Now I'll have to pretend that I like housework and occasionally look busy.

Sure, I might be able to sneak in an afternoon nap by taking my library book to the bedroom so I can "read".

There will be no madcap cleaning frenzy on Thursday, in anticipation of The Mister's return.

He's already ensconced in the Man Cave. I can just imagine the to do list he's dreaming up for me.

Traitor.

At least the van is now here, so I can escape run errands if the need arises.

All of this is extremely hush hush, of course. I'm trusting you not to inform The Enemy Mister of my dastardly plans.

I've folded up my strategic charts and diagrams; all timetables will need to be revamped.

Don't worry, I haven't given up.

Next Monday, Operation Time Waster will be put in action. I WILL prevail...unlimited internet access is right within my reach.


10 comments:

  1. I am laughing out loud because I can so relate. Love it when my hubby plays volley ball one night a week. When he decides not to go, I feel well, umph, imposed upon:)

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  2. Holy crap, I'd be grabbing the phone to call 911 and sneaking out the other door! So glad it was *just* the mister.

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  3. Good grief, why is it HE can hide in the man cave and you can't have a minutes peace. I would loan you my hubby who would allow me such peace and tranquility without a second glance

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  4. This was absolutely hilarious!

    This has happened to me more times than I care to remember. *sigh*

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  5. There is nothing worse that having plans foiled by the hubs-man. If I knew what a pain it was to be home with him for more than 3 consecutive days I may have reconsidered the whole marriage deal.

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  6. Doesnt he know not to ruin your plans!

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  7. hahahaha. that is just wrong he had to come home. you could have had such a great day.

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  8. I love this because I've gotten so spoiled by my husband's travels that when he's home it takes some getting used to. As it so happens, he's out of town for just one night tonight and I just got through watching Dancing with the Stars on Tivo. Ahhhhhh...

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  9. Hilarious, as usual! I can relate, too. When The Ronald traveled for his job, I cherished my Alone Time, too....and was soooo disappointed when his plans changed.... :o

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  10. Oh that sucks!!!!! I feel the same way whenever Mr Jenners tells me he will be working at home!

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