I decided to follow Jenny's lead and shake things up a bit myself. Today, you get three (count 'em, THREE) submissions for the price of one.
Domestic CoorespondenceDear John,
Why can't you be like your friend, the oven, and clean yourself?
Re: Product Branding
Mr. John Finklestein,
After numerous discussions, the board has selected a company name and logo. Rest assured, Dear John, that your suggestion ('Finklestein's Farm Implements') was given full consideration, though in the end, it was rejected.
In all future coorespondence, please refer to the Company as John Deere.
Stanley T. Frankmueller, COO
Leave the money on my dresser when you're done. You can pick me up on that same corner the next time you need my "services". Please don't hesitate to recommend me to your friends!
The Happy Hooker