October 13, 2011

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop - 10/13/11 Stuff I Gotta Stop Saying

I decided to do two prompts this week (any excuse to avoid starting housework):


A list of ten things you should never ask your spouse.



Kim's FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions) and their Mostly Unsatisfying Responses


I decided to create a handy table that can be printed in the event that you have to deal with The Mister for any length of time.


Question Situation/
Location
Response
What are you doing? Man cave, on the computer "Huh? I can't hear you!"
What are you/we doing
tomorrow (or any time in the 
immediate future)?
Frequently asked when he is 
falling asleep.
"Don't ask me questions 
when I am trying to sleep!"
If awake: "Don't ask me that question!
I'll tell YOU when I know."
What do you want me to do? My attempt at being helpful 
(aka sucking up)
TO BE AVOIDED: This question
 results in me having to perform menial tasks against my will.
Do you want me to help you? Another attempt at 
being helpful (sucking up)
TO BE AVOIDED: Again, results in me having
to perform menial tasks.
Are you going to wear THAT 
shirt/pants/outfit?
Before exiting out the 
front door.
Met with eye rolling, groaning, and sometimes,
a trip to the closet for apparel that does not 
contain reminders of what was eaten at his
last meal.
Have you seen the _______ 
(fill in the blank)?
When I can't find 
something, or are too 
lazy to look for it.
"Look for it!" Not.helpful.at.all.
Will you take The Boy _____ 
(fill in the blank, a location that is 
further than the barber shop)?
When I want to be 
relieved of parenting
duties
"No."
Have you forgotten that I'm the 
Princess?
When he has forgotten 
the proper pecking order in the home
"You are NOT a princess!" 
But he even bought me a lamp 
that says 'I'm not spoiled, I'm a Princess.'
Are you going to bed now? When he is stumbling down the hallway toward
the bedroom
No response. He is unable to
operate mouth and legs
simultaneously.
Did you miss me? When he returns from work, 
or when I return from an outing
"Desperately", though not always said
with the emotion that I find satisfactory.
Conclusion: He CAN be trained, but three
years hasn't been long enough.

Write a poem about a memorable Halloween costume.


It's a Wonder that The Boy Wasn't Scarred Emotionally


One Halloween I was quite scary
When I dressed like Mimi
from the sitcom with Drew Carey
I troweled on makeup
I teased up my hair
I wore mismatched clothing
I was hideous beyond compare
I wore this to work
And my boss Dave, he just said,
"Kim, please put this manila folder
in front of your head!
I can't look at your face,
I can't bear the awful sight.
Don't be late for work tomorrow,
cleaning your face may take all night!"


Pretty close to how I actually looked,
but I had skeleton earrrings


14 comments:

  1. Funny stuff to read, not live through, and Mimi, I can't stop laughing.

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  2. HAAAAA! Simultaneous mouth and leg operation doesn't exist in my house either. I am giggling really hard right now b/c yes, trying to be "helpful" just winds up with me being aggravated with the type of help he "suggests." Um, if I wanted to wash the dishes, I'd have just washed the dang dishes. Sheesh.

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  3. That list is spot on! Love how you added the situation/location column because that so matters!

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  4. OMG!!! I love this!! So funny and true... are we married to the same guy LOL!!! Nice job....
    Jessica
    Girl In Shoes

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  5. Wow! An informational spreadsheet! That is awesome and so creative. I think we should all have one to navigate through our marriages. LOL! Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment... I really appreciate it!

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  6. LOL at the "Man Cave" response. I get that one a lot... HMMM...

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  7. Ok I love the handy printable chart.. I really cannot complain about my hubby so I skipped that one. BWHAHAHAH at Mimi..

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  8. It's awesome that you created a whole TABLE of responses to these!

    And I would have LOVED to see you as Mimi. So funny!

    Here from mamakats prompts. I'd love a visit too!

    www.becauseidontscrapbook.blogspot.com
    Thanks!

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  9. Love your list format!! Genius!!

    And I wish you had a photo of yourself as Mimi! That is a brilliant Halloween costume.

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  10. hahaha. I'm still laughing at "his answers".

    I can't believe you dressed up like mimi. Ok, wait, yeah, I can believe it, and I think that ROCKS.

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  11. Mimi would be such an awesome costume!

    visiting from mama kat

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  12. Mimi was totally awesome, and that poem ROCKED!!!

    I liked the informational handout, too! Maybe we ladies should print that out and hand to visitors so they can keep score? Haha.

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  13. Mimi-- best character ever!

    You not only managed to do two prompts, but created a spreadsheet to illustrate. You must have avoided a LOT of housework ;-)

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  14. You made a CHART! And wrote a poem!

    Genius!

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Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!