A list of ten things you should never ask your spouse.
Kim's FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions) and their Mostly Unsatisfying Responses
I decided to create a handy table that can be printed in the event that you have to deal with The Mister for any length of time.
|What are you doing?||Man cave, on the computer||"Huh? I can't hear you!"|
|What are you/we doing|
tomorrow (or any time in the
|Frequently asked when he is |
|"Don't ask me questions |
when I am trying to sleep!"
If awake: "Don't ask me that question!
I'll tell YOU when I know."
|What do you want me to do?||My attempt at being helpful |
(aka sucking up)
|TO BE AVOIDED: This question |
results in me having to perform menial tasks against my will.
|Do you want me to help you?||Another attempt at |
being helpful (sucking up)
|TO BE AVOIDED: Again, results in me having |
to perform menial tasks.
|Are you going to wear THAT |
|Before exiting out the |
|Met with eye rolling, groaning, and sometimes, |
a trip to the closet for apparel that does not
contain reminders of what was eaten at his
|Have you seen the _______ |
(fill in the blank)?
|When I can't find |
something, or are too
lazy to look for it.
|"Look for it!" Not.helpful.at.all.|
|Will you take The Boy _____ |
(fill in the blank, a location that is
further than the barber shop)?
|When I want to be |
relieved of parenting
|Have you forgotten that I'm the |
|When he has forgotten |
the proper pecking order in the home
|"You are NOT a princess!" |
But he even bought me a lamp
that says 'I'm not spoiled, I'm a Princess.'
|Are you going to bed now?||When he is stumbling down the hallway toward |
|No response. He is unable to |
operate mouth and legs
|Did you miss me?||When he returns from work, |
or when I return from an outing
|"Desperately", though not always said |
with the emotion that I find satisfactory.
Conclusion: He CAN be trained, but three
years hasn't been long enough.
Write a poem about a memorable Halloween costume.
It's a Wonder that The Boy Wasn't Scarred Emotionally
One Halloween I was quite scary
When I dressed like Mimi
from the sitcom with Drew Carey
I troweled on makeup
I teased up my hair
I wore mismatched clothing
I was hideous beyond compare
I wore this to work
And my boss Dave, he just said,
"Kim, please put this manila folder
in front of your head!
I can't look at your face,
I can't bear the awful sight.
Don't be late for work tomorrow,
cleaning your face may take all night!"
|Pretty close to how I actually looked,|
but I had skeleton earrrings