May 23, 2012

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop: On Being the Mother of Perpetual Embarrassment

When I received the weekly Mama Kat writing prompts in my email, frankly, I was a bit disappointed. 


Write about a time your child embarrassed you in public.


In my attempt to kick it up a notch, I promptly sent a reply: 

Only ONE time he's embarrassed me in public? Where's the challenge in that? :)

Her response to my pleas:

Haha...maybe you can come up with a poem listing the many various ways ones son might humiliate ones mother in public.

Finally...a prompt I can sink my teeth into. The following poem represents a mere fraction of the embarrassment I've endured in the past 16 years.

Mama Kat, this one's for you!

Blushing is Second Nature
How does The Boy embarrass me? Let me count the ways...
Strangers might receive unsolicited parenting advice on grocery shopping days.
And when his grumpy second grade teacher gave him another load of grief?
He said, "Good thing my mom HATES you!" - and thus, he found relief.

Shopping should be pleasant, but with him it is so hard
 "She's a liar!", he yelled when I stopped my six-year-old from purchasing a lottery card.
Entering a restaurant, he used his manners and held open the front door
Then shouted "Mom, I helped the old ladies!" - while I looked for a hole in the floor.

Pushing the cart down the feminine hygiene aisle, the three-year-old insists
"Mom, do you need any TAMPONS?" - Lowering my head, I consulted my list.
Left alone to wander the store while the grownups shop? There's never a good result.
"How could God make someone as fat and ugly as you?", another shopper the target of his verbal assault.

At IEP meetings, I'm surely on edge, as he's apt to mention inappropriate things
One failed attempt at matchmaking after checking the psychologist for a ring.
When his teacher couldn't frame a response (she looked like she had indigestion)
"When are you going to stop talking like a politician and just answer the question?"

When angry or frustrated, with temper hot, his voice can get quite loud
As he utters gross profanities...what mother wouldn't be proud?
To finish up, I asked The Boy, "What is your most embarrassing slight?"
"Everything", he said, so matter-of-fact. I think The Boy is right.

The Boy approved this poem.


12 comments:

  1. Please please please become a poetess!!! Then I would start reading poetry.

    I love the last part … The Boy approved this poem. Reminded me of a political ad!

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  2. Bravo. Bravo ***wild standing ovation***

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  3. A poem endorsed by the boy. You sure made me feel this one.

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  4. This is too funny! Definitely some gems of embarrassment there.

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  5. Very funny :) Kids are awesome!

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  6. Well done - it captures many moments, and leaves us to imagine the others!

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  7. ***Applause***

    Well done! For a moment I thought I was reading a poem about my boy. :) :) :)

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  8. THe boy approved...I want to see a signature on that...kidding.
    This was hilarious!! Just what I needed to start my morning off!

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  9. Nice. This should make you feel better. At Target, a grandmother comes in with her toddler granddaughter and places her in the cart net to us. My son looks over and says, "I guess you were wrong mommy because some super old ladies can have babies." Shoot. Me. Now.

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  10. I really enjoyed that...a smile upon my face the entire time!!

    Thank you!

    :)

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  11. Oh he did NOT! And that applies to everything the child did. Brilliant.

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  12. Ha! You really DID it! You're so right, there are just too many embarrassing moments to count, it seems like something The Boy has really perfected. A nice hobby. ;)

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Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!