How are you? How is the missus? I hope the elves are productive and still manage to have work/life balance (that's so important). I trust that Rudolph and the other reindeer are well-fed and ready to deliver packages to the world's children next month.
If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you find a little space in your sleigh for a gift for me? I wouldn't normally ask you, as I am far beyond the age of asking Santa for toys. But sometimes, you see a gift and know that it's perfect from the first moment you laid eyes on it. Then it becomes a mission to make sure that your family gift givers know about the object of your desire.
The Mister and I aren't exchanging gifts this year.
So Santa, you're my last hope.
I need to get some exercise. God (and you, Santa) know how fat I've gotten. I'm out of shape and my stamina is at an all time low.
This sad state of affairs may be due to my internet addiction, and wanting to keep up-to-date on all the news online and in social media.
I have this need to blog - my readers count on me. I'd hate to disappoint them.
Anything to avoid doing housework, ya know.
And you certainly are aware of my addiction to online games. And then there's my incessant eating due to boredom or whatever. It's not my fault I know how to cook.
Santa, in my effort to make YOUR shopping easy, I thought I'd just send you some links for the type of gift I want.
This gift will be perfect for me. It will allow me to get some exercise and let me multi-task while I get into shape. Talk about efficiency!
Okay, it's possible that I suck as a human being - but wouldn't I look great as a skinny sucky human being after I use my gift?
If the treadmill is too big for the sleigh, I totally understand. Here's my second choice - I think it will fit a bit better among the crap you'll be delivering on Christmas Eve:
P.S Can you tell the marketing folks not to put such skinny bitches in ads for exercise equipment? It's not like they got skinny using it - they were already emaciated to begin with.
P.S.S. I'll leave some sugar-free cookies and non-fat milk for you. You are getting quite chunky yourself, jolly bearded man.