July 11, 2013

I'm a Loser...and a Winner

Remember the song "I'm a Loser, Baby" by Beck? I used to love that song, listening to it in the car, the sunroof open, ruffling my much shorter hair.

I'm a loser, baby.

My pants are looser. Because of this, the hems fall over my feet, and onto the floor. I had a sense that I was shrinking, getting shorter.

A neighbor asked if I was on a diet. I wasn't sure how to respond, because I think the word diet means suffering. It's no accident that it starts with D-I-E.

After a week of online Boot Camp, I persist. I do not rock every workout. I skip a day or two. It's about progress, not perfection.

And for someone who was getting zero exercise - this someone who is carrying around an enormous amount of extra weight - even completing fifteen minutes of a workout is progress.

I have not weighed myself - we don't have a scale, so I have no numbers. I can judge by the fit of my clothes, and the slow shrinking of my boobage (they're always the first to go. I may miss the "girls" - or not).

I am eating healthier, and staying positive. The voice in my head is offering encouragement, and I keep on striving...not for perfection, that's above my pay grade.

We're eating vegetables like they were going out of style. Roasted asparagus with mushrooms and a lemon butter sauce, and zucchini, yellow squash, onions and tomatoes layered and baked. Green beans with shallots and walnuts that are so good it could make me weep with joy.

I drink so much water, I think I slosh when I walk. And I include bathroom trips as part of my exercise plan.

I am striving for better health, increased energy, and the ability to be more physically active.

I remain positive; The Mister does not. He walks into the room, "Have you done your exercise?" There is judgment in his voice, and 'I knew you couldn't do it' in his expression. 

I realize he is a font of negativity (about many subjects), and it makes me sad - for him. And a bit sad for me, because I'd like to think that my spouse would be my biggest fan.

I seem to like me better than he does...even though I'm a loser.

I'm a winner, too.

Finally, speaking of winners. The Listen To Your Mother videos are on Youtube. You can view the St. Louis show here, and maybe get to appreciate the amazing women who shared the experience with me. Have your tissues ready - some of the readings will make you cry, while others will make you laugh out loud.

Note: Two videos #9 and #17) have adult language, so they might not be work/child-appropriate.

When I watched the raw video footage of the show that day, the voice in my head yelled  "Damn, Kim, you're HUGE!" 

The truth of it hurt for a minute - and since then, it has spurred me on to do better - to BE better to myself.

No negativity. No judgement. No unrealistic expectation of perfection.

Win/win.

8 comments:

  1. Kim--I was lucky enough to see you LIVE at the Listen to Your Mother show. You were fabulous. And you're right about the laughter and the tears--I cried and I hooted during the show.

    Yes, progress and not perfection. I'm quite familiar with that phrase.

    I'm so glad you're eating delicious (but healthier) foods and that you're a loser. THAT kind of losing is something we all want to experience.

    (And remember: the camera adds 10 pounds, but it multiplies by 1 for each decade of your life, so keep that in mind. I know--I WISH that was the case... ;)

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    1. Hell, Sioux, I must be older than I thought! :)

      I didn't get here overnight, and it won't come off overnight, either. And I'll be happy, no matter what.

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  2. I love that song, Loser. Of course, it's one of those songs where the lyrics are not what I thought they were in some places. But that's the way it goes.

    Good job! It takes a lot to try, and it takes a lot to keep going.

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    1. Thanks! I'm gonna keep on keepin' on, even if I miss a step or two along the way.

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    2. It's the only way to do it! A couple missed steps don't equal actual failure.

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  3. I know how you feel. I forgot that when I point the outdoor bird camera a certain way, it picks up me walking around the yard. I lost about 30 lbs since Dad passed away last August. I wouldn't recommend the 'grief diet' but I was feeling good about the loss. Until I saw myself on that damned bird camera footage.

    It's not like I didn't =know= that I have more to lose. I did. I know that it's time to change the self talk to positive verbage and to shut down the darned camera. I'm just being lazy.

    Don't worry what Tom has to say. Don't watch your video again unless you can say to yourself "Wow, I was FANTASTIC!" (if you have to, shut your eyes and listen to yourself).

    It's time for me to stock up on more veggies, thanks for reminding me. It's time for me to put on my walkin' shoes again, thanks for reminding me about the exercise, too.

    Thanks for sharing your loss, way to 'go girl.' I was a loser and a winner and will be again, at least for another 30 pounds.

    Linda...

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  4. Lose on, lady! Way to go! You should be so proud of yourself, even if the hubby isn't on board. I think it's sometimes hard for spouses to understand the motivation behind why you're doing something different or why things have to change. Men fear change. Well, at least my husband does. I'm sure he will be proud of you (and is) - he probably just has a hard time showing it and doesn't necessarily feel the same pressure to be healthy as a woman. But keep up the great work!

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  5. Way to go, Kim! I'll be one of your cheerleaders if you need a Rah-rah gang! I'm a loser, too, and it feels really good just to have energy again. I beefed up my veggies, as well, but I also had to buy out all of the Beano in the grocery store. Man oh man! But it's so worth the good feelings of self that you will come to know and love. Wishing you all the progress in the world!

    Thanks for the link. Will love to watch the show again!

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Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!