When I'm in the supermarket, I don't buy the National Enquirer or pore over other celebrity-laden magazines. Even as an adolescent, I didn't idolize teen stars and want to emulate their "look". I didn't see them as glamorous, or consider them as role models.
I admit that I take some perverse pleasure in looking at photos of celebrities when they are not looking their best. Got some pictures of Hollywood's elite without makeup? I'm all over that, even if I don't know who most of these people are, or what they do.
Show me how bad they look in that barely-there bikini? I'll take a gander.
I'm hankerin' for a ticket to the circus sideshow when there's an article about botched plastic surgery procedures.
Perhaps I'm just immature and shallow.
I don't understand where my desire comes from. I don't even wear makeup - and you'll never see me exposing my jiggly flab at the beach or pool. I have NO personal beauty regimen, other than cleansing with yellow Dial soap.
I have no regular hair stylist. When your hairstyling regimen consists of a semi-annual haircut/highlight/eyebrow waxing, I am no maintenance. Daily, my hair is most likely pulled into a ponytail; my idea of a proper hairstyling routine is three minutes with the hair dryer and a round brush after I shampoo.
In addition to being immature and shallow, I'm far too lazy.
For God's sake, I wear Crocs. Doesn't that say it all?
Do I have a drawerful of beauty products? Nope. I have a Zip-loc bag of basic makeup that I bought five years ago - which I should toss, as it's far past its use-by date.
Maybe I want to see these stars that we hold in high esteem and awe as human beings with flaws.
I think some of them look better without makeup, and their appearance most definitely looked better to me BEFORE they went under the cosmetic surgeon's knife, deluded to believe that they could fend off the ravages of time and the laws of gravity.
Then again, if I had a personal trainer, plastic surgeon, fashion consultant, Botox and collagen injections, chemical peels, hair and makeup experts, an unlimited clothing budget, and a spackling knife to apply makeup, I'm sure I'd be vain and prideful in my attempt to be a stunning beauty, too.
See, I told you I was shallow.
In reality, all of this seems like a lot of work for too little payback to me. Under all that stuff (and effort), I'd still be the flawed human being I am anyway, getting older every day, no matter how youthful my contrived appearance may be.
Until Hollywood beckons, I'll have to be content to gaze at myself in my bathroom mirror and see a face that looks my age, even if I don't act it.