July 15, 2009

Take the Cake - Please!

NOTE: Do NOT read this post until you promise on all that is good and holy that you will NOT send any of the photos enclosed herewith to cakewrecks.com.

Do I have your word on that? Thank you for your understanding.

Ok, you can continue reading.

Last week, I attended my first Wilton Cake Decorating class. I blogged about it here.

Some of the Instruments of Torture tools for the job:

This week, my assignment was to have a cake frosted and ready for decorating.

How'd that go for me? The baking was no big deal, I made a cake from a mix. I fired up Bertha (my sassy Cuisinart stand mixer) to make the Crisco-based frosting - again, no big deal. I can now create grocery store bakery-style frosting.

The cake design I chose to make required five additional colors of frosting: pink, purple
, orange, green and yellow. I tinted my ass off. I waited until late afternoon to start the frosting assembly line (class was at 6:30, and I still had dinner to prepare, too). I had a wee 'lil hissy fit (ok, it was a major meltdown, replete with cursing and whining), annoyed with myself for my habitual procrastination, and frustrated that I kept misplacing or dropping or generally mucking up everything I tried to do.

Do you know how hard it is to get frosting to look even on a ca
ke? Well, for me, it's my version of waterboarding! I know my frustration is due to a perfectionistic streak in myself - I want to do it PERFECTLY the first time! I know this is unrealistic, but I don't care, I'm convinced someday I'll reach that goal!

I couldn't find enough
plastic bowls to be able to schlep all the frosting to class, so I ended up putting them in Zip Loc bags. Messy stuff, that.

Anyway, despite my own ineptitude, I got the cak
e and all the associated nonsense ready to go. The Boy, who was very concerned about my mental health at this point, even carried the cake and some supplies to the car for me. He also wanted to hurry me out of the house so he could have unsupervised access to the computer. So much porn, so little time! I'm guessin'.

He put the cake carrier on the front seat of the car, and I started to back out of the driveway - and the cake took a header onto the floor! It actually flipped!

You would think that I'd have lost it right there in the driver's seat. I did utter one VERY BAD word (and the car windows were down, so the neighbors are now aware of my extensive vocabulary).

I pulled back in the driveway and looked at the cake - and laughed. That moment was needed; the pressure was off. I figured that it could only get better from then.

I walk into the class and see some women with their pastry bags all organized and filled with colorful frosting; they were ready to go. I, alas, was not. But I soldiered on.

We practiced making stars, and writing with frosting. I think it's safe to say that I will NOT be writing witty messages on cakes for the time being - I need a LOT of work on that.

From the moment I signed up for the class, I've wondered if I'm cut out for this. I have no mad crafting skills, my double vision causes my eye-hand coordination to be a bit hinky.

Here's what the cake was supposed to look like:

Here come the excuses!

The class was two hours long, and we were running out of time. I didn't have a flower cookie cutter to press into the frosting (to make the design); I only had a snowflake.

I didn't have enough time to load up all the frosting into the pastry bags and wash out the star tip after each color change.

Ok, no more disclaimers or excuses! This is what my cake looked like:

What do you think?


  1. You want a comment full of wit?
    Next to this, Grand Prize Throphy, should sit... how' that,, yumm

  2. Glenn,
    Thanks for the generous poetic comment! I'm going to try to keep the tantrum activities to a minimum before the next class!

    And even though the cake lacked finesse, it still tasted good!

  3. I think you did great..And if it tasted good, that is the main thing..lol

  4. I was expecting a hot mess but yours actually looks great! And it tasted good? Perfecto. You will only get better with practice too.

  5. What's wrong with that?! That looks awesome! You've totally chanelled June Cleaver. You go girl!


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