August 22, 2009

Advice from a Retired Husband

Here's a joke I received in my email today. Enjoy!

My name is Tom. Let me relate how I handled a situation with my wife, Terri.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Terri to get a full time job along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and do offer encouragement. I tell he to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then won't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice big cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, so long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Terri. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.

Tom died suddenly on Jun 7th of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50 inch Big Bertha Driver golf club jammed up his rear end with barely 5 inches of grip showing and the sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Terri was arrested and charged with murder. The all women jury took only 10 minutes to find her NOT GUILTY accepting her defense that Tom, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.


  1. LOL, this is cute...would be adorable if it weren't so far from the truth sometimes!

  2. Ah Tom, ya big ass hole. And even bigger in the end. (every pun intended)

  3. I think I've met Tom a time or two...
    Thanks for the laugh!

  4. LOL that was so funny! I just sent that to my MIL. Her husband just retired, and he plays golf!

  5. hummm, I think I will clean up my


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