August 10, 2009

A Bit of Chaos in the Cleaver Compound

School is starting in ten days. Can I get a big AMEN? I for one, will be doing a little happy dance when the short bus pulls in front of the driveway on August 20.

The Boy has been rearing his ugly head lately. He has been mouthy (read that screaming), and raging against...well, me.

Oh, he loves me to death. How do I know that? Maybe because he tried to choke me the other day when I told him to get off the computer.


The woman who almost died giving birth to him.
The woman who has fought tooth and nail (and has the emotional scars to prove it) to get him the services he so desperately needs.
The woman who drives him to all his appointments, and has spent countless hours visiting him in locked wards.
The woman who guards the refrigerator, washes his clothes and prepares his meals.

The woman who loves him more than anyone in this world.

The choking attempt did not hurt me. It made me pissed. It made me so pissed that I promptly knocked 180 pounds of snarling surliness to the floor and pinned his arms over his head. Said through my clenched teeth that he will NEVER do THAT AGAIN. (Even though I know he will make other attempts).

Today's excitement was due to a dead battery (or a faulty alternator) - whatever; the car would not start. We were all ready to go to his therapy appointment, then afterwards, to the library, one of his favorite places on this planet.

No choking today. As I left a message for his therapist, he stood in the kitchen and raged and fumed and railed.

He screamed that it's MY FAULT that the car would not start. Yeah, like I opened the hood in the middle of the night and befouled the engine. Yeah, I would do that.

A while ago (after we purchased a new battery for the car), I suggested (to The Mister) that we buy jumper cables. I've always had jumper cables in any car I've owned previously. In fact, the last set of cables remained in the car as it was being towed away to some charity. The Mister said that I didn't need jumper cables. Huh.

The Boy is now in his room...just like after every one of his outbursts. I get fifteen minutes to crycollect myself, and he gets that time to simmer down. I doubt that either one of us will be back to normal after the timer goes off.

School starts in ten can't come soon enough for me.


  1. Wow, is really all I can say. I cannot imagine how hard it is to see your son behave that way, and I cannot imagine how hard it must be for your son to struggle with his emotions and the BP disorder.

  2. I won't say I understand what you are going thru because I don't. I can say, however, that I hope things get better. :) I am sending you a cyber hug.

  3. I just love bad days. I love the guilt, the anger, the sorrow, the rage, feeling overwhelmed, suicidal.

    Strike that last word.

    Tomorrow is coming. One day at a time.

    Sometimes one hour at a time.

    Sometimes we have to count by minutes.

  4. Just remember you are a great mom! And doing the best you can! Just 10 more days! You'll make it!

  5. Yikes. That is pretty intense. I hope things are calmed down. And school cannot start quickly enough. Sounds like everyone needs a break ... and some jumper cables.

  6. We've got one who had a difficult time growing out of her hissy fits. She did, though, and I'm pretty thankful for that!

  7. Melissa,
    I had one who had hissy fits, too. But bipolar rage combined with the stubbornness of autism is far beyond what my daughter did.

    She never threatened me or tried to choke me. It's a whole different ball game.

  8. Surfing" the TV i came across HBO documentary,, the whole time I was associating. I can not imagine your strength. My hat is not only off, it is on the floor.

  9. well, I'm feeling slightly better for freaking out over the surliness I received yesterday from a hormonal boy (who only 15 minutes earlier was happily trying to sucker me into another major purchase). He didn't try to choke me.
    I am impressed by your reaction and have to wonder if it will challenge him for another attack or did he learn that you do not piss off the mama?
    I am feeling your joy at the return of school, but mine is SO much further out than the 20th :-(


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