January 27, 2010

Today on the Front Line of Taxes

This job helps you realize that most people are horribly deceitful, and trying to get every cent from the government, regardless of their eligibility hard-working, stressed out folks eager to complete their tax returns.

Today's list of clients so far:

On the phone:
1. A woman calling for "her friend", asking if it was okay to 'forget' to include $1600 earned as a substitute teacher because it "just put her over the limit" for certain tax credits. (Can we say "liar, liar pants on fire"?)

2. A man who called asking if his wife's breastmilk donation to a breastmilk bank was deductible (it is not).

3. A woman who wanted me to tell her which lines to fill out on a state form.

In person:

The sad man (he almost cried) - 64 year old, unemployed, finding it difficult for himself and his wife to live on Social Security. He's told he's over qualified when he applies for minimum wage jobs.

My first stripper - thanks to Jenners, and the book Candy Girl I won (you can read my post about stripping here), I gave this young woman excellent service. I made sure she deducted the cost of her outfits and shoes. Oh, I rock! She was missing a W-2, so she'll be back. Maybe I'll ask her about her career.

She called back later in the day, and called me "Miss Raspy Voice". I think she likes me.

Perhaps I'll specialize in stripper tax preparation this year.

The crazy family - a mother and her adolescent daughter, both with multiple mental health issues. They reeked of kerosene used for heating and cigarette smoke. The mom was unemployed; the daughter, a high school dropout. I had to spray the office after they departed.

The bleached blonde housekeeper with multiple addresses, and a 1099 form written on a piece of scrap paper. She had to leave to find her daughter's social security number. So I'll get another opportunity to spend time with this lovely young woman.

Why the hell do I get all the crazy folks?

My boss is a real bitch? - she said I could call her that, she doesn't care. I'm the new kid in town, so I get all the clients who don't have a regular tax preparer.

But I think the odd folks are drawn to me. And I totally think that the stripper and I had a definite "gal pal" bond going.

Jealous, aren't ya?


  1. I wonder...do the hours I spend off the clock grading papers count for anything in the grand scheme of things?

  2. If only I could share with you yesterday's students. Unfortunately, not only would it be illegal but also TMI (too much information).

    In other words, I can relate.

  3. So, do tell - was the stripper's job lucrative enough for me to consider leaving my boring ol' 9 to 5 for a more exciting night life type job??

  4. I think your new friend might help you start a career in phone sex ... a raspy voice is a plus for that.

    This job sounds so sad and stressful. I don't think I could take it.

    And I continue to be astounded that "Candy Girl" actually came in handy! Who woulda thought?

  5. Good brief and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you for your information.

  6. You know if you want to leave the tax job and become a stripper, you already have a gimmick with the raspy voice. I feel so bad for the sad man :-(


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