January 05, 2010

Why Won't He TALK to Me? He Has Nothing to Say!

I'm sure you already know that women communicate differently then men. We like to talk, we like to talk a lot. We can talk to our girlfriends for hours on end about touchy-feely relationship stuff. We talk about our kids, we talk about our homes and our families. All that nurturing stuff.

And if the guys are out together? There's no talk of relationships. Their friendships are based on activities they participate in together, on stuff they've done, places they've been, sports teams that they all follow. There're trash talk and challenges. All that wolfpack mentality, alpha male stuff.

And when we return to our man after a session with the girls? We want to tell them all about it...and they JUST.DON'T.CARE.

If we talk about problems we're having, they want to "fix" them. When we don't listen to their solution, they think we're just bitching.

When they don't tell us in excruciating detail about what the guys did or talked about, we think they are cold and withdrawn.

Men don't need to talk to figure out problems like women do. Women operate more on emotion - men operate more on logic. If they perceive a problem, they come up with a resolution. Then they merely go to their "nothing box" inside their heads and think about...well, nothing.

We do ourselves a disservice when we expect men to communicate like women, or to have women communicate like men.

Can't we all just get along? Celebrate our differences, because, you know, they DO keep things interesting.

If you want to learn more about communication styles between the sexes, then you may want to check out You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen, PhD.

And for a humorous view of how men's brains work differently from women, check out this Youtube video (I think I posted this before...I like it THAT much).


  1. Sometimes I immediately start a conversation with the hubs with "Dont try to fix, just listen"

  2. My husband does not listen... my girls have come to realize this and ask him permission all the time & then say we talked about it. He never knows if this is true or not.

  3. Amen.

    And the sooner you realize this, the better off you ( and your relationship) is.

  4. I just had this discussion with my (female) karate sensei. So true!

  5. Mine just tunes me out. It's very frustrating.

  6. Keep posting stuff like this i really like it


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