May 20, 2010

Writer's Workshop - 05/20/10

It's Thursday, and I'm making a fashionably late entrance into Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. 

The prompt I chose this week:

What ‘chapters of your life’ would there be? Make a list of your life’s chapters. Choose one. Write five possible opening sentences to that chapter. Then write five possible ending sentences to that chapter. (inspired by

As I am often wont to do, I "tweaked" the rules a bit, and did it MY way. I have made each chapter the title of a book and/or movie (all titles found on And instead of the opening and closing sentences, I picked the Mommie Dearest chapter and just put a few parenting "tips" I learned from my mom. By "tips", I mean DON'T TRY THESE AT HOME.

Please click over to Mama Kat's and see all the great prompts and creative responses!

Chapter 1: Brave New World

Chapter 2: Mommie Dearest
  •  An incredibly effective way of teaching a  young child NOT to put a dry cleaning bag or pillow over her head is to put the items over your child's head yourself. Trust me, the child won't forget THAT lesson.
  • Projectiles (objects thrown in anger) often hit their target. Keep practicing your aim.
  • Start early if you want to ensure that your child isn't an egomaniac. Constant admonishments about how she can't do anything right should do the trick.
  • When your daughter brings home the little sample packet of feminine articles from school (after "the talk"), parade around the room with said packet while describing what's inside to her big brothers. This will keep her modest.
  • After four decades of this special relationship you share with your daughter, tell her how you never wanted her in the first place - she'll feel special.
Chapter 3: Marriage for Dummies

Chapter 4: Baby Boom

Chapter 5:  Irreconcilable Differences

Chapter 6: First Job Survival Guide

Chapter 7: Wanderlust and Lipstick

Chapter 8: About a Boy

Chapter 9: Marriage for Dummies

Chapter 10: Rags to Riches: God Hates Divorce but Loves the Divorcee

Chapter 11: Dating Game

Chapter 12: The Unemployables

Chapter 13: Husband Project (Finding Mr. Right)

Chapter 14: Cobwebs in the Broiler: The Adventures of a Very Wicked Step-mother

Chapter 14: Blogging for Bliss


  1. Yikes ... your mom was a true "Mommie Dearest" wasn't she? I'm so so sorry.

    You manage to combine such harsh stuff with comedy in a way that makes me admire you.

  2. Great titles! Definitely some chapters in there I'd be interested in reading more of!!

    Oh and poor daughter. That chapter starter totally made me laugh.

  3. Nice...I'll have to remember the pillow case bit!

  4. Even though it's SO wrong to say so, your points in Chapter 2 are HILARIOUS!! The whole post is, but point #2 is my favorite and I almost spit diet coke out of my nose :)
    Newest follower here - over from Mama Kat's!

  5. Very clever take on this. Love how you did that.

  6. Thanks for the kind comments. Unfortunately, Chapter 2 was not fictional. But I'm glad I wrote it in such a way that made it sound funny, cuz it's better than thinking of the reality of it.

  7. I remember when I the day I went grocery shopping with my Dad and needed feminine products. I asked him to go down the aisle and buy them for me... I was so mortified of picking up the package of pads myself. Dad yelled out "Do you want the one with wings?" After turning 8 shades of red I replied yes and he chucked them at me saying "Here... they will fly to you." Parents have a ways of leaving lasting, memorable impressions. :) Loved your post!

  8. As usual, a great post - since I know chapter 2 was real, my heart hurt for you. However, you put your creative and wonderful spin on things. I can't wait to see your blurbs for the other chapters! And Dawna's reply with the comment her dad made about the feminine product with wings was too funny and made me spit out my Dr. Pepper.

  9. I will admit that I loved the little sample packet of feminine products from school. They made me feel so grown-up. I also kept them hidden under my bed and if anyone knew my fascination with them, I would have been mortified. And scarred for life.

    I am sorry that you had such a mother. What a shame.

    Found you on Mama Kat's McLinky and following.

  10. Stopping by from Mama Kat's. I really love the "God Hates Divorce but Loves the Divorcee" That was hilarious!

  11. chapter 2 made me really sad. I'm sorry you had that happen to you :(

  12. Hey Miss June. I'm sorry, too, that you had the kind of mother you had. You ARE such an awesome writer and I know that's got to be therapeutic. Love the title names, too! When do we get to read this mahhhhvelous book?! (ps. did you happen to read my blog the day I posted some chapter titles from my book?)

  13. Wow, Chapter 2 makes me sad. Very sad. :( I can't imagine that. I'll share my mom with you. She's kind and sweet enough for everyone. :) And she taught me to share.


Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!