July 28, 2010

Can a Chiropractor Adjust My Attitude?

I've been feeling out of sorts, bent out of shape lately. Little things aggravate me; comments that would have rolled off my back now cause me all manner of pain.

Since the latest job giveth and taketh away fiasco, I have felt myself beginning to unravel.

My sense of humor has been affected, too. I feel myself becoming more irritable, sarcastic, and even mean. That filter in my head that tells me to keep something unkind to myself is failing me.

I just might tell you how big your butt looks in that dress. You've been warned.

Don't ask any question if you fear a negative answer.

Just yesterday, my neighbor Marcia asked when I will be hanging out with her again - I haven't been across the street in at least a month. Unless I am forced to venture outside, I stay here.

My isolation is both self-protective, as well as protecting others. If I don't talk to anyone, I won't misunderstand what is said, and take it personally.

If I don't interact with others, then I won't say something that is better left unsaid.

I'm trying to minimize collateral damage. I've already slung enough verbal arrows toward The Mister to do him harm (for some reason, The Boy hasn't been an attractive target of my scorn).

And while I am being mean, do I think about The Mister's feelings? 

Yes, if you count that, in my opinion, he is being an insensitive jerk, and is purposely driving me crazy.

Pot, please don't call Kettle names like that.

I have unwillingly finally ended my self-imposed work stoppage - I clean a bit now, but not with any enthusiasm.

Every request feels like an imposition.

I'm even tired of myself.

I am still reading blog posts...but I have cut back on comments. I hope you understand that my silence is not a rejection of you. 

Some major attitude adjusting is called for here...I just have to figure out how to do it.

I'm thinking that the maximum time I can peacefully coexist without the assistance of therapy and psychotropic drugs is 33 months.

So now I must learn to navigate the Missouri mental health system for the uninsured.

Wish me luck.

If stubborn counts for anything, I'll be back, better than before.


  1. Hi, new here. I am literally scared to say anything...soo...HI!

  2. I've not been reading your blog all that long, but I've enjoyed the honesty of your posts...this one included. Depression is such a sucking black hole and it takes it's toll on everyone around you so I'll wish you luck, but also say some prayers. You just do what you have to do to get feeling better.

  3. I could've written this.

    I've been in that dark place since winter and even though I started meds in February, I'm not back to "normal." I think that is why part of me feels called to blog about stuff from the past that is gnawing at me.

    Thank you, by the way, for your kind comments on today's post. It was scary to publish, and I appreciate your support. And yes---overeating counts and is in the same category. I also do that quite well.

    You are not alone.

  4. Sometimes the ugly truth is the only kind there is. Props to you for keepin' it real!

  5. I am the same way. When Im in a bad place mentally I have to shut myself off from the world for a while. Its safer that way. Hope you feel better soon


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