July 23, 2010

Facebook Sometimes Leaves Me in a Funk

Update: I received THIS message just this morning from one of The Boy's former babysitters (who I JUST found on FB) - quite a coincidence! Names have been changed...

Dear June,

I am not going to start a daycare I want to be able to spend time with my parents they are both retired now, and time with Suzie (daughter) and John (husband). I guess I will take the Leisure part! LOL
What does The Boy do during summer? Suzie has a part time job, she helps caiter weddings. She loves to cook, believe that one!
Does The Boy have a college picked out?
Suzie wants to attend NCU, since the 4th grade this child wanted to become a ped doctor, she has been a straight "A" student since K.
Is The Boy into sports? Suzie is a cheerleader, she does cheering competions, as well as cheering at all games, she does the stats for wrestling and boys baseball. She loves school!

I use Facebook daily. I spend way too much time playing Bejeweled Blitz and MindJolt games.

I've reconnected with family and friends - I've enjoyed that a lot.

But when those long-lost friends are parents of kids the same age (or nearly the same age) as The Boy, occasionally, I have mixed feelings.

I get into Facebook Funk, big time. 

Like when I'm reading about how Child A is excelling at sports, or Child B is very involved in a future career-related activity, or how Child C is an excellent student?

I'm very glad to hear that those children are doing well, that they are going through the rites of passage from childhood to adolescence, and soon, to young adulthood.

And then I look at The Boy...and wonder, if he stays just as he is now, how many of these milestones he'll eventually reach - if any?

Will HE learn to drive? Get a job? Make the honor roll? Does Special Ed even count for inclusion in the Honor Roll?

Will he ever be in a school play or participate in extracurricular activities? Will he actually set foot in the high school, other than for Industrial Arts class (that's the current plan)?

If he does go into the main building, will he be teased because he rides the short bus?

He'll never be a sports star, he's never had any interest in those physical pursuits.

He's mentioned an interest in taking a foreign language in high school - will they let him?

Assuming he graduates, just what will his diploma MEAN? 

Will he ever hold down a job, fall in love, be a father? 

Heck, can he live independently? Will he be able to take his meds and take care of himself without prompting?

What will his memories of high school consist of?

Will he go to football games? Will there ever be a girl in his classroom? Will he ever go to his prom?

Or will he remain insulated and isolated in his self-contained classroom, where he is learning below grade level, and not a nuisance (or danger) to all the "normal" kids? (I'll be posting more about his school setting next week, as I've recently received an update).

Must he remain one of the poster children for 'No Child Left Behind'?

Because we've moved away from his early elementary friends, and then several times after that, I've lost the barometer from which to measure how far he's fallen below, or how close he is, to kids his own age.

And there was some small comfort in that ignorance. And since he has no friends, I am not hearing what other kids in our neighborhood are doing...so I can delude myself just a little longer, thinking that The Boy's progress is satisfactory, and that his future will be just one hair to the left of peachy-keen.

Then Facebook status updates and photos slap me in the face...and bring me back to the realization that OUR reality is not NORMAL reality.

THAT, Facebook. Way to put me in my place.

And I'm not talking about being bitter (though when I re-read this a while ago, it sorta sounded like it). 

I totally get the irony that if you are the parent of a non-verbal child, or a child who can't walk, you'd be thinking that The Boy's accomplishments were pretty awesome, too, if your child did them.

And if you're still waiting to become a parent, or have given up becoming one, then I know that me whining about the unfairness of it all rings hollow to you.

I'm sorry. I am indeed fortunate and blessed with children and stepchildren and grandchildren.

And regarding The Boy? I can't worry about IF ONLY; I gotta work with what IS.
Enough Facebook Funk now. Time for me to pull up these big girl panties and continue to congratulate and celebrate the successes within ALL families, and be the best advocate for The Boy that I can be. 

I'll continue to be the cheeleading squad of one.

Rah, rah rah, indeed.

Time to kick The Mister's butt in Bejeweled Blitz.


  1. Facebook is that way.

    Your son will be awesome no matter what. And you are an awesome mom.

  2. Wow. This is really moving. With a mom like you The Boy has no need to worry about what successes he may not achieve he has some one who loves him dearly and that is one of the greatest achievements of all.

  3. I can identify with this...a lot. Somedays I have to remind myself over, and over, and over again that sometimes "average" or "just hanging on" is the best place to be for us. Parenting is HARD! DAMN HARD! :P

  4. Facebook always give me the blahs. I start comparing myself to others too much and that bugs me because I know that Im not that way

  5. Oh man ... it is dangerous when you start comparing your life to others. It almost never ends well. Hugs to you.

  6. wow! i understand just how you feel. i really do. my son is only 5 and i already question how far he will ever be able to go in life. and while we shouldn't torture ourselves by comparing our children to all those "typical" kids, it is impossible not to. i look at Tot and just want to scream, "it's not fair! he should be able to do all those things too!"

    glad i found your blog. :)


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