July 03, 2010

An Old Fart Celebrating His Birthday on July 4th

Hey, United States! Long time since I've talked with you. I just wanted to wish you a really happy birthday! I tried to find a card just for the occasion, but couldn't find something that moved me, ya know?

So I thought I'd just write this to you, just so you know that I'm thinking of you on your special day, and how much you mean to me.

Can you believe another year has passed already?

First of all, I can't believe you're 234 - I gotta say, you don't look a day over 200! And boy, do I remember your 200th birthday party! Shannon was a newborn - I didn't get to go out and celebrate, but I loved watching the tall ships on TV (was that Boston, or NYC?), and the fireworks near the Capitol were magnificent! 

Anyway, back to you! As I've been wandering through the neighborhood, I gotta compliment you on the Interstate highway system - you got some nice looking roads there (although I gotta admit, I do giggle when I look at you on Google maps, cuz man, it looks like you have the WORST vericose veins EVER...teehee). 

I know you've had some problems - flooding and tornadoes and earthquakes - but hey, you're getting old, ya gotta expect some trouble. And I'm still so sad about what's happening on the Gulf coast...that's gotta leave a mark.

I know we haven't talked in forever, and you can tell me to mind my own freakin' business, but gee, are you doing better financially yet? I mean, it was ALL OVER the papers - and you know how people talk. I can only imagine what the neighbors at The United Nations were thinking. I thought maybe you were on the road to recovery, but now I'm hearing all this talk of double dip recession - just what is that about? 

Your revenue coffers probably echo every time you put in some loose change (like our piggy bank...lol). I sent you all the money you asked for all year, so I think we're good. And thanks so much for the tax refund! Sure, it wasn't as big as in previous years, but it sure helped!

Unemployment still is near 10% - that's gotta suck for you, I know. I feel your pain. In our house, unemployment is 100%! I hate to be a critic - I know, take a number, get in line - but I think if you don't find a way to revitalize manufacturing here, and start fining companies who close shop and reopen in a third world country to keep profits high (so some jobs stay here), things aren't going to get better for a long time. I really hate to be Debbie Downer, but, as a friend, I thought I could offer some input.

And another thing - the guys who are managing your affairs? You know who I mean, the Federal government? Where did you get those people? Civility is gone - it now sounds like every day in Congress is part of the mudslinging election season. They're supposed to be our nation's statesmen (and stateswomen - is that a word?) - I bet our founding fathers are spinning in their graves over the lack of courtesy and common decency these fat cats display.

Maybe it's just me getting old (ha...I'll never be as old as you!), but I often think of when political discussions were done by people interested in public service and in doing what's best for YOU, United States. Now, I think they're mostly interested in getting re-elected, and in tearing down anyone who doesn't agree with their way of thinking.

Oh, thanks so much for health care reform - even though I have to wait until 2014 to experience it (since we have no health insurance). Did you see the rates they unveiled this week for folks with pre-existing conditions? It would take The Mister's entire monthly unemployment check just to pay the premiums for us...WTH? I think we'll have to pass on that offer right now.

Well, United States, I'm gonna stop now - I am sure you're too busy planning your birthday to read more of my silly drivel - how cool is it that your birthday is a national holiday! You rock! Here's to a great year ahead - you deserve it! I love you!

God Bless You, America!


  1. That's the best July 4th post I have ever seen. Right on the money.

  2. DITTO!! Who ever thought of writing a Happy Birthday letter to the USA? Awesome, Mrs. June F. Cleaver! I'm going to post about this on my blog and ask people to come on over and read it! Thanks for a great read tonight!

  3. Nice job, June. Really clever!


  4. Becky sent me. Brilliant post. I especially ditto the part about fining the greed-monster corporations who send our jobs overseas!

  5. Perhaps an "old fart," but young at heart, correctamundo? Have a wonderful 4th!

  6. This was a genius post. Love the varicose veins line.

  7. Becky sent me, too!
    I like your style, June...especially good post on this Fourth...


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