September 24, 2010

The Boy Who Cried Puke

I talked to the school nurse on Monday. Monday's call was about The Boy and diarrhea. While he was in the nurse's office, seven other students were sent home for the same ailment.

After we got home, I told him to take some Imodium. 

He was chipper (and fever-free). No further dashes to the toilet.

I questioned him about his health scare, and he said, "Well, maybe it wasn't diarrhea. Maybe I just had to poop a lot. I'm sorry."

When I picked him up on Monday, I got a paper with this info circled:

Diarrhea and/or Vomiting: Student should stay home until they are free from these symptoms for 24 hours. Students who vomit at school will be sent home.

I let him stay home Tuesday, based on the above notice.

Yesterday, I got another call from the school nurse. The Boy said that he threw up.

Ding, ding, ding! In school nurseland, throwing up gets you a free pass to go home (see bold text above). Even without having a fever, puke is like automatic parole. 

Such a deal.

Yay, Boy!

When I picked him up, I felt his head (cool), and started asking him some questions. He had complained of belly pain, and the aide suggested that he go to the bathroom. He was sitting on the throne when he "threw up".

I asked who got to clean up the mess in the stall.

Big pause. I felt a story coming on.

Here's what he said:

He had pain, and went to the bathroom. While seated, all of a sudden, he spit up a his mouth.

No projectile vomiting, no retching.

Probably some acid reflux. After all, it was 8:20 in the morning, and he had already eaten a bologna sandwich and that morning's school breakfast entree.

The Boy eats like a Doberman. Gnawing off a big chunk - good. Chewing - not so much.

No wonder his digestive system is protesting - it has to work so hard every day. 

I told him to either go to his room or lay(or lie, which is it?) on the couch. When I heated up his lunch, I told him we were going to have an experiment about chewing.

We each had a leftover pork chop for lunch. I cut his in bite-sized pieces, to demonstrate what a bite size really is.

The results:

I chewed my bite of pork 53 times.
The Boy chewed his 10 times...because I insisted. Left to his own devices, he'd have chewed three times and swallowed.

He really gives his Adam's Apple a workout.

Ya know, maybe he eats more like a pit bull terrier.

After lunch, I was convinced that he was not sick. 

I lie. I was convinced when I saw him get in the car.

I figured that any boy skipping school should be punished and/or tormented kept busy.

He helped mow the grass in 90 degree temperatures.

That's another post altogether.

Suffice it to say that he will NOT be making landscaping a career choice.

And after I ratted him out phoned the nurse and told her of his penchant for hypochondria, I bet I won't be getting a phone call from school nurseland unless he really IS sick.

The Boy is not my first child to con his way to an early school dismissal. You can read about another occurrence (and my guilt associated with not believing the GIRL who cried wolf) here.


  1. are wise to his ways indeed! I would have totally played that card when I was in school if given the opportunity!

  2. I still feel sorry for The Boy! Especially since he's been doing so well at school. I hope this doesn't mean things are changing in a negative soon(?)
    You are such a cool mom!

  3. At least you know he's paying attention in school...too bad it was paying attention to 'how to get out of school' lol

  4. Be glad the Boy does not have the monthly thing! My girls would work that one to the max!

    I'm glad you at least got the lawn mowed out of this.

    Very funny story! Thanks for sharing.

  5. Our school does the same thing with vomiting and last week my oldest paid a visit to the nurses office and claimed that she had vomited. I had to pick her up and she played normal the whole time...way to go getting at of school that day.


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