October 07, 2010

She Works Hard for the Money...But They Couldn't Pay Me Enough to Do THESE Jobs!

I'm participating in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop today. The prompt I've chosen came courtesy of Karen of Karen and Gerard Zemek fame:

Describe a job you absolutely would never want to do.

I couldn't think of a single job I wouldn't want - I thought of LOTS!

Honeydipper (five points if you know the job by that name) a.k.a. Septic Tank and/or Porta-Potty Cleaner

Could you imagine the stench of sticking a big hose in a hole and sucking out waste from septic tanks and portable toilets?

Roadkill Removal Specialist

In these hard times, the job might result in some good eatin' that's free, but the smell of rotting rodents, vermin, pets and other wildlife would do me in.

Fish Gutter

Fish stink! Who the heck wants to end up smelling like fish guts and having those scales and yuck stuck to your skin and clothing?

Slaughterhouse Maintenance Crewmember

More stink, only this would involve cleaning it, instead of causing it. Imagine the gunk that builds up on the machinery, and the sticky, oozy blood on the floors? This would NOT be a job for your Swiffer Wet Jet.

Animal Rendering Plant employee

Rendering is a process that converts waste animal tissue into stable, value-added materials. Rendering can refer to any processing of animal byproducts into more useful materials, or more narrowly to the rendering of whole animal fatty tissue into purified fats like lard or tallow

This material can include the fatty tissue, bones, and offal, as well as entire carcasses of animals condemned at slaughterhouses, and those that have died on farms (deadstock), in transit, etc. The most common animal sources are beef, pork, sheep, and poultry.
The rendering process simultaneously dries the material and separates the fat from the bone and protein. A rendering process yields a fat commodity (yellow grease, choice white grease, bleachable fancy tallow, etc.) and a protein meal (meat & bone meal, poultry byproduct meal, etc.).
Rendering plants often also handle other materials, such as slaughterhouse blood, feathers/hair, but do so using processes distinct from true rendering. (Thank you, Wikipedia).

Have you EVER driven past a rendering plant? I think you'd know it, it smells to high Heaven.

ANY job where I'd have to look and/or touch feet all day (exception would be baby feet - they're cute and non-stinky)

I HATE feet! They're ugly, they stink! Yuck! You'll never catch me in a game of Footsie, and I'll NEVER be attracted to someone with a foot fetish. But baby feet are okay - they're small, cute, and don't stink.

Sports Stadium Beer Vendor

I think beer STINKS. Think angry mobs of thirsty, sweaty sports fans. Trudge up and down steps, lugging a cooler full of beer (at least now, most of the beer is sold in bottles - they used to serve it in plastic cups - can you say spillage?)

Jobs that would stink without the stink:

Professional Dominatrix

Sure, I like to be bossy sometimes. But to provide some sniveling wreck of a man with sexual pleasure by hurting and/or belittling him? Not my cup of tea.

And fat women should never dress in rubber - we sweat profusely, and it's chafing. 


Who wants to go go work where you are hated by every customer you interact with?

Telephone receptionist for the National Stuttering Association

Days filled with never completing one single phone call, all the ringing, the lights on the switchboard constantly lit...

Please, no hate mail...stuttering is no joke. I am sensitive to the needs and challenges faced by those who stutter.

Golf ball Dimple Counter

Quality control is important. But that ball is round - how do you know where you started counting?

Disney employee in "It's a Small World" attraction

I think THIS might be my ultimate nightmare job. FYI - if you EVER have a migraine at Disneyland, and you need to ralph in the ladies' room - guess what song they have playing?

Yep, that's the one. Enjoy at your own risk.


  1. I agree with all of what you said except the Small World one. I am such a huge Disney fan I wouldnt care where they put me to work!

  2. soooo hilarious! I have to agree with you on every single one. You basically nailed it all!!

  3. I think you need to hook up with that one guy, America's worst jobs or something, I don't think he's done the dominatrix yet! You should pitch it!

  4. Those are really awful jobs.. I too wouldn't want any part of them.

  5. Oh, so true. That's a great list. Some were very smiliar to mine.

    Stopped by from Mama Kat's

  6. Totally agree!! Although, I could handle being a beer vendor since I used to bartend.

  7. I'd rock as a dominatrix (I actually sorta even wrote a post about it a while ago, Blog World Dominatrix, gets a number of "suspicious" click throughs form Google!). And feet make me gag, not a little, a LOT!

  8. lmbo @ the list.. Yeah I don't think I could do any of those either..

  9. Thanks for stopping by my blog today... just returning the favor..

    okay -I thought Honeydipper was the worst, but it's a toss up between that and It's a Small World... cuz just how many times you can hear that song without going insane???
    Oh crap! Now it's in my head and won't get out!
    Gee- thanks.

  10. The feet! Ick! I cant deal with feet either, baby feet yes...anything older than 2 and those feet better back off!

  11. One of my favorite shows is Dirty Jobs...they had one...I cannot remember the name of the job, but it was a farm job and you have to bite the testicles off of baby sheep...yes, I said bite.

    Your list gave me a nice chuckle and also thankful there are people who are able to do these jobs.

  12. Ha! I loved these ... you've got a warped and twisted mind ... just like me!

    The beer one is perfect ... that would be miserable. Horrible. Ugh.

    And where do you come up with the stuttering one? That gave me a (guilty) laugh.

  13. Haha. That is hilarious. Roadkill specialist would be pretty bad.

  14. Adorable! Love the way you write.. following you now.
    Fat girls in rubber... ha!

  15. My husband loves that show, Dirty Jobs. Maybe the host should have to work at Disneyland in the It's a Small World attraction? I like all of yours. You made me laugh out loud with the dominatrix one!

  16. Those are some terrible, terrible jobs. The first one sounded the worst. Or maybe the animal render plant. OH MY GOSH! We have 2 near us. Those are very hard jobs.... God bless the workers.

  17. I wasn't familiar with the term "honeydipper" but that's the one I wrote about too. Thanks for stopping by. You sure came up with a long list here. The only one I wouldn't mind would be that Disneyland job. I kind of like that song!

    I like to change the words though to this:
    Jesus Christ is Lord of all (3x)
    He is Lord of all.

  18. Hmmm I have done several of the jobs on the list. I think instead of making fun of them. Yall might want to try one or two. Some of them pay pretty good money.. Tsk Tsk.... but then again, that would mean taking a job beneath you.

  19. Dear Anonymous,
    I don't think any job is beneath me. There is honor in all work. I had hoped that everyone who read this would see the humor in the post.

    My intent was never to make fun of the people who have done these much needed jobs.

    Maybe you could put a good word in for me to your previous employers, and I could get my butt off this chair and back to work?


Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!