November 03, 2010

Fear and Loathing in Missouri - Moving to Hooterville

From the first time The Mister and I started talking about a future together, he has expressed a desire to live "in the country" after he retires. 

You may think it's nuts to think about retirement already, but The Mister is only ten years away from that magic number.

And he's quite the planner, that one.

When I think of "in the country", Images of a quaint country town float through my head - I imagine strolling on the sidewalks in a picturesque village, passing picket fences, a small country church, and small businesses.
A town steeped in history, but possessing modern indoor plumbing.

Something like this:

Think of the town in Steel Magnolias, only without gunfire.

While The Mister is working out of town, he is developing a serious crush on his surroundings. I have yet to visit there. I've looked up the Chamber of Commerce site, and yes, they do have the pictures of pretty churches, antebellum homes and a cute gazebo near a body of water.

But The Mister doesn't want to live in town. He wants to get a big piece of land and have a big garden and enjoy the scenery.

And he wants to avoid cutting the grass (snakes and critters roaming where I may want to walk in bare feet - yikes).

The area he is interested in has a 25 - 30% poverty level.

It's in the region they call the "meth capital of Missouri". 

And it's smack in the middle of Tornado Alley - the last tornado occurred there in 2009. 

Here's a picture of area tornado damage from 2004:

I also have reservations about moving further away from family in our golden years. What if we need assistance? I'd hate to be a burden to the stepdaughters - they still like me. A three hour drive probably means that they'd visit less, not more. That makes me sad. 

I have certain requirements about where I live. I must be no more than half an hour from a grocery store, a hospital or a library. The Mister says that all of these conveniences are within my preferred limit.

But this is the Ozarks. Hillbillies. Inbreeding. Toothless grins. Moonshine.

For some reason, I can't get the movie Deliverance out of my head.

Cue banjos.

I always wanted to live in a highrise before I die.

Maybe a compromise can be reached.


  1. We've lived in the boonies for 37 years. I'm glad I can get to a city once in a while! I love your 'high-rise.'

  2. Oh your high rise made me laugh out loud... seriously. I grew up in the boonies... and I was a bit of a country girl.. but I've now become a bit of a city- and by city I mean suburban girl. We live in a very populated area and I hate the traffic james and feeling of people on top of me all the time, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE the close proximity to EVERYTHING! I would miss the conveniences!

  3. Oh Lord. Tell the Mister that he can visit the country but this might not be the ideal retirement place.


Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!