January 06, 2011

I Was Old Enough to Know Better...But that Didn't Stop Me!

It's time for Writer's Workshop. Thanks, Mama Kat! I will now publicly confess my bad behavior - and it's all your fault.

The prompt I chose? DRUNK.

Let me start by saying that I am merely a social drinker. And by "social", I mean that I may have one or two drinks A YEAR.

Ok, maybe I'm not so social after all.

I blame it on my child bride status - married at 18, mother at 19. I was at home taking care of my baby, and avoided the whole "let's get wasted" part of life that most young people go through.

It's not like I missed anything...except maybe how to learn when "enough" is enough.

I have been drunk ONE TIME. But I was 35 years old when it happened.

Go ahead, gasp. Laugh. Mock me if you must. I'll wait.

I worked for the worst.boss.ever. She was incompetent, bitchy and out to get me. None of my co-workers liked her either - although John had his nose so far up her butt but that if she made a right turn, he'd have broken his neck.

She once moved my office a quarter of a mile from the computer room - in an office with no heat, and palmetto bugs (oh, we know they're roaches, South Carolina, no matter what you call them) so big they had landing gear.

And my desk? A table, no drawers. I had to keep files and stuff in cardboard boxes. 

The bathroom in that place defied description.

I told you she was a bitch.

Anyway, I was REQUIRED to attend the office Christmas party. We had dinner at our small town's only nice restaurant, in our small town Hilton hotel.

I had to sit across from my nemesis, who came dressed in this cowl-necked white sheer blouse (and had to look directly at her cleavage), and listen to her drivel.

I was more than ready for alcohol, if only to dull my senses for the evening. And drink I did. I had to. I took one for the team.

I confess I drove the mile home. My bad.

It was all okay until I decided to lie down in bed. In my absence, my daughters must have attached the bed to some complicated mechanism to make it spin.

And that advice about putting one leg on the floor to get it to stop? Complete bunk.

That next morning was pure Hell. I worshipped at the porcelain throne. My head throbbed, my eye sockets were maimed by sunlight. And who'd ever think that I could hear the blades of grass grow?

But that wasn't punishment enough. How's this for stating the obvious?

"A fine example YOU'RE setting, Mom. Drinking AND driving...what were you thinking? At your age, you should know better!"

And a fine example it was. Really, I did it for THEM, so they wouldn't make the same mistake.

I was just looking for the perfect teachable moment...I'm all about those maternal sacrifices.

I left that horrible job the next April. And the boss? She got canned a month after my departure, after she started playing her games with another co-worker.

And I've returned to my regular (irregular) drinking habits...so I guess you could say it was a teachable moment for me, too.


  1. Well at least there was some good to come of it!

  2. I'm not a huge drinker either. I dread getting sick so I keep it light if I ever drink.

    And with 2 kids who are up at the crack of dawn late nights partying just don't happen :)

    Visiting from Mama Kat's

  3. i think (hope) i have learned my lesson,,,

  4. Give me 2 beers and I am snockered. I can drink hard liquor all night and never bat an eye.. unless I am on muscle relaxers.. then sniffing the cork off a wine bottle can do it lol

  5. haha, I love your daughter's reaction!

  6. You made me laugh. Thanks for that!

  7. Ack! Your boss sounds positively horrible. If I worked for a woman like that, I probably would have gotten snockered, too.

    Perfectly retold story, though... and pretty entertaining!


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