March 21, 2011

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

I know you're all asking yourself, "How does June do it? How does she work, maintain a household, be active in the community, and perform random acts of kindness? After all, she's just one woman!"

Don't you hate it when I read your minds like that?

Anyway, I thought I'd tell you about my day of good deeds on Sunday...because YOU want to know.

Disclaimer: Since I did not write down each and every thing I did all day, I may have left some things out. Perhaps in your comments, you could list the activities you think I may have omitted.

6:10 am
Leap out of bed, happy to be alive cursing the darkness wondering if I'm late.

Shower, dress in the latest fashions look through a basket of unfolded laundry for a moderately wrinkled shirt and put on yesterday's pants, look in the mirror and run a brush through my hair style my hair. Forget deodorant.

6:20 am
Transfer a load of clothes from the washer to the dryer (they'd languished in the washer for approximately eight hours). Take load of moderately wrinkled, yet clean, laundry from the dryer (also languishing), and fold it throw it on the freshly made unmade bed.

6:22 am
Walk to the kitchen, eyes on the floor ahead of me, looking for cat puke landmines. None found. Locate nectar of the gods Coke Zero, and take a healthy swig, directly from the 2-liter bottle. Suddenly realize I have to pee...and now. Go to the bathroom. Wash hands when done. Put on deodorant.

6:26 am
Sit down at my new/Craigslist desk. Check my e-mail. Bask in reflected glory of comments received from Saturday Centus and Sunday posts. Thanks, commenters!

6:30 am
Grab purse, keys, bottle of Coke Zero, and head out the door. Snag Sunday paper from driveway. I have Grandpa Gus duty (my FIL, who had a mini-stroke on March 1), and must be there promptly at seven. Bid a fond farewell to my loving husband and son who can't be bothered to be awake to tell me goodbye.

The moon is lovely and gigantic. Welcome, Spring!

~7:00 am
Arrive at Ruth's. Ruth is almost ready to leave for work. Two grandchildren sleeping, one at sleepover. Grandpa Gus also sleeping. Find out I have the pleasure of the company of Bitsy and Tucker, two dogs that are visiting. Almost pee my pants in excitement. Ruth advises me that there are yummy leftovers in the fridge, so I know what I'm having for breakfast. Ruth ceremoniously presents me with the remote control for the TV (and it has working batteries); I am set.

7:10 am
Ruth leaves. I am left to my own devices. I find the crossword puzzle in the Sunday paper, and sit down to complete it, in pen.

7:12 am
Remote control practically begging to be used. Surf through the vast TV wasteland many channels that display the wonder of cable television. Settle on A&E - watch a biography of Weird Al Yankovic.

7:30 am
Locate leftovers. Was informed that the microwave was fixed Saturday - imagine my disappointment when my food does not get warm. Drag pot from cabinet and heat leftover pasta con broccoli on stove. Eat while watching Weird Al.

Some undetermined time later, I discover some tear in the time/space continuum, and see that it is now 10am! take a wee nap.

10:15 am
Grandpa Gus emerges from his bedroom. He greets me with a kiss, and calls me by my name (maybe he has given up on calling me Beverly). He requests oatmeal and medication for breakfast.

10:20 am
Grandpa Gus gets oatmeal (cooked on the stove), a banana, a glass of milk, a cup of water, and his medication delivered to his room. I watch him take his meds and leave him to his breakfast he tells me I can leave and to shut his door.

10:30 am
Eli wakes up (he was sleeping on the couch). I take his breakfast request - and deliver a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a glass of milk. Being a kind and generous grandma Knowing that it's hopeless to watch anything on TV now that he is awake, I give him the remote. Cartoons ensue. I work on my crossword puzzles. I tell him about the t-shirt that came all the way from Arizona way back in December. He hates it is thrilled and puts it on immediately.

11:00 am
Desiree wakes and comes out of her room. With her are Tucker and Bitsy, two evil fleabags who want nothing but to take Eli's food from his hand well-behaved dogs. I nag Desiree tell Desiree that I almost had a coronary when I saw all of the dirty dishes in the sink remind Desiree that her mom wants her to clean the kitchen - a job she did not do last night. I show Desiree her t-shirt. She thrilled and puts it on immediately.

Eli asks me to open string cheese. He says that the package of cylindrical cheesiness looks like bullets. I suggest that they look like chalk.

12:00 pm
I ask Eli if he wants to watch a movie, and he selects 'Grownups', a lovely family film that I was forced to watch with him last Sunday about loss and redemption, friends and family that is totally inappropriate for a kindergartener.

12:30 pm
Desiree starts cleaning the kitchen. She asks if she can go to a neighbor's house when she is done. Fearful that she wants to hang out with undesirables I say yes to her request. While Desiree is cleaning, Eli and I play Crazy Eights War, Go Fish and Memory with a Crazy Eights deck. I win one game, a minor hissy fit ensues.

1:00 pm
Grandpa Gus returns to the living room. He is ready for lunch. We discuss possibilities. He would like two pieces of French toast with syrup. He goes back to his room, and works on building his balsa wood airplane.

1:10 pm
French toast, two slices, with syrup (cut up nice and small for him) is delivered to his room. I am thanked, and summarily dismissed.

1:30 pm
Desiree departs. 

1:40 pm
Eli wants me to watch Scooby Doo Two with him. First, I must remove brown food particles from DVD.

1:45 pm
Grandpa Gus comes into the living room. He walks to the door leading to the garage, and I follow him, worried about him falling in the cluttered garage. He attempts to carry a long box filled with model airplane paraphenalia - I offer to carry the box for him, so he doesn't have to navigate the two steps and the walk to his bedroom with his items.

I put the box on his bed, as directed. He asks me to close the door when I leave.

I return to the living room and watch multi-task - sort of watching Scooby Doo as well as doing additional puzzles in the newspaper. I take off my glasses, and due to my double vision, I have one eye closed while doing the puzzle. Eli tells me I'm sleeping.

2:10 pm
Grandpa Gus once again comes to the living room. Wanting to feel independent not wanting me to shadow him like a hound dog, he tells me that he's just going to LOOK in the garage, but he won't be carrying anything. I smile and wonder what the old guy is up to now.

Grandpa Gus returns from the garage, carrying a large stack of balsa wood and other types of wood. I tell him he's naughty, that he lied to me. He laughs and insists that he is just fine. He returns to his room with his bounty.

3:00 pm
Nate returns from his sleepover, and shows me a bruise on his calf that he got from playing Paintball. I give him his t-shirt. He is thrilled and puts it on immediately thanks me and takes it into his room.

3:30 pm
Ruth returns from work. I tell her that Desiree is at the neighbor's (wherever that is), and that we had a good day. I tell her that Grandpa Gus can't be trusted ate well and took his medication.

3:40 pm
Scott returns from work, and tries, again, to repair the microwave.

3:45 pm
Grandpa Gus comes into the kitchen and wants to know about dinner. Ruth informs him that I ratted him out. He thanks me for my concern says that "I am on his list now", and will not receive any more kisses on the forehead. I am hurt say, "OK!"

He also says, "Don't you know that Ruth is the enemy?" (said with a big smile).

And here, all this time, I thought it was Osama bin Laden. Should I contact Homeland Security and let them know?

3:55 pm
I gather up my belongings (as well as the leftovers Ruth wants The Mister to eat) and go home, where I have been sorely missed where many unfinished domestic duties await.

How was YOUR day?


  1. Hilarious! Having the options crossed out adds so much to your demeanor! Grandpa sounds like a sweetheart (I really mean it).

    I'm exhausted after reading this. I may have to take a nap now.

    Great post!

  2. Life gets in the way of living. You have a refreshing way of writing that makes me laugh every time.

  3. You did read my mind Beverly. Now where is my dinner?

  4. First off, COKE ZERO ROCKS!!! whew

    I can't believe you had that down to the hours. wow. I'm very impressed.

  5. Love the descriptions of the day!


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