April 22, 2011

Red Writing Hood: A Complaint Letter (of Sorts)

April 22, 2011

Dear Boy's Asperger and Bipolar Brain,
You are the master of The Boy's every move. Try as I might to control you, I can't. Sometimes, there is a flicker of recognition from you, and behavior improves. You've being doing a good job in this new year, for the most part.

But sometimes, you cause The Boy to act in ways that are not in his best interest.

Take the uncontrolled eating thing. Could you get a grip on yourself, and notice when The Boy's stomach is full? I worry about his health, his energy level, and how much weight he'll gain when you're off the clock.

But that isn't my deepest, darkest fear with you.

I'm not a young mother. In general, parents do not outlive their children. That is a mere fact of life.

I will die someday. And The Boy will have to depend on you to steer him down the right path. Your instability and your penchant for impulsive thoughts can only mean trouble for The Boy in the long run.

Who will help him when he gets arrested as an adult? Who will help him to overlook petty grievances, and not resort to acts of extreme anger, as he has in the past?

Surely you remember the two days in juvenile detention - that's nothing compared to what would happen in an adult facility.

Brain, you have let The Boy down in the past. I know it's not your fault - you are sick. You do a good job of reminding The Boy to take his meds, but you need to work harder at improving yourself. Do your best work, brain!

Don't let The Boy down, he needs you working at your top efficiency. He needs you to rewire the parts that are broken, and use these new connections to improve his social interactions. 

Strive for growth, not negativity and sarcasm. Get all your synapses firing, fill yourself with positive thoughts and practical skills that will help The Boy become The Man.

I won't be around forever to remind you to get back on track.

You're taking care of a very special person. Keep him safe and help him to have a long and happy life. Try to let him have a life with as much independence as you can muster.

I have done what I can to influence you, so far. The rest is up to you.


  1. The posts you have about your son are so heart warming and touching. The love you have for him is so beautiful and inspiring. I hope all those things come true for him as well.

  2. We all wonder what will happen to our children after we leave them, even without additional fears, and you've tapped into that beautifully.

    The fierce love you have for your boy shines throughout the letter.

  3. This can't have been easy to write. Thank you for sharing so much of your heart, your worries, your fears.

    I really felt your emotions and my heart hurts for you. You succinctly brought to the surface worries that many have never thought about.

    This was raw and transparent. I'm holding all good thoughts for you, and your son.

  4. my hat is off, to you, Ms. June Cleaver,,,and the Boy.

  5. This was so incredibly powerful, thank you so much for sharing it with us. My heart bre at the part where you spoke about your child's future when you are gone. I know we all, as parents, have those fears, but your words to his brain are so much more than what many have to eve begin to imagine. Thank you cor being so open.

  6. Aspergers,, sigh...
    I'm very sorry, but I do celebrate in where we've progressed with this disease, with bipolar and Autism. Still, though
    ways to go

    At the risk of sounding shallow, I really do wonder if you watch "parenthood" and if the portrayal of Aspergers is accurate?

    Lastly, have you ruled out Prader-Willi Syndrome? (dawnmfischer@charter.net) In case you're interested in a discussion - I am knowledgeable.

    The boy is tremendously fortunate to have you in his corner. Such special people, they are!

  7. Thank you for sharing such private and heartwrenching feelings. I can't begin to imagine what you have to do to prepare yourself for each day. I think you are way crazy much more than a loving and caring mother, and I think you have done and are doing everything you possibly can to help him be The Man someday. If you are a praying person, I know he will be in good hands when he no longer has you in his life. There are also two sisters of his, who I'm willing to bet, have the best of you in them and who will gladly continue your efforts.

  8. Your love for him is really tangible in this letter. You are protective and concerned and heartbroken for his struggles and you put it all out there. Lovely writing.

  9. Wow. That was all deep and shit. Nice job. That gets a serious fist bump....

  10. Fear as a parent comes in so many different ways and the unknown, such a great one! Fabulous writing from the heart!

  11. Such a tough thing. I can feel your fear - and also how much you love your son.

  12. Clever, and thought-provoking post! Your approach to this prompt was unique and heartfelt, and you should be quite proud of your talent for this. My heart goes out to you and your son. This was very nicely written!

  13. You have summed up my fear with my daughter having a mood disorder (and ADHD) perfectly. I worry what happens when she is on her own. Will she take her meds? Will she be lonely? Ostracized?

    This is a great letter. Add my name to the bottom of the note, please?!?

    --The Drama Mama

  14. Awesome and thanks for the wealth of the resource!
    Writing complaint letter


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