June 09, 2011

How My Job Search is Like Dating Someone with Sexual Dysfunction

Catchy title, huh?

About a week ago, I got TWO phone calls from job recruiters - in a single day.

It's a lot like having two hot guys call and ask for a follow-up date.

We make small talk. We find we have things in common - they have a job, and I'm qualified to do that job.

We laugh, and promise to keep in touch. We exchange numbers and vital statistics. I send a resume and references.

I start caring how I look. I think about what I might wear when I go into the office (today) to meet with one of the recruiters. I even consider shaving my legs, that's how stoked I am about this meeting.

It's not an interview, it's a meet and greet - it's a way to check that I can show up on time and dress and act like a professional, instead of a psychotic bag lady.

I start feeling that delicious anticipation...will they like me? Do they sound like THEY know what they're talking about?

It's a lot like the feeling you have when you're dating, and you think that, on this next date, you might "do" it.

The week continues with positive, feel good emails. I start to feel all lovey dovey about THIS recruiting company...they will get me a job, and I'll make them happy they hired me.

In other words, if asked, I'll put out...big time.

So, after all this buildup? All the nervous energy and (sexual) tension?

Yesterday, the phone rings. It's my favorite recruiter, saying that I don't need to come in after all. The job requirement has been canceled.

It was over before it even got started.

I think Peterson Employment Group (not their real name, but the initials match) should change their name to Premature Ejaculation Group.

Oh, and to add to the sting of my rejection? While I'm on the phone with said recruiter, call waiting beeps. I hurry up my goodbye, and on the other line, a second employee from the same company calls - CONFIRMING my appointment for Friday.

Conversation interruptus, indeed.


  1. The title was great but the story even better - although I am sorry it didn't work out for you, your parallels are right on and pretty hilarious!!

  2. Well, with that title, I HAD to come by and read! And I'm glad I did - what a funny, clever post, though I too, am sorry it went awry. You're a great humor writer - something I am not that good at. Look forward to more. I think that "two of everything" effect must be because the sun is in Gemini, sign of the twins...

  3. I love how the right and left hands just don't talk to each other.

    This was a great post. Are you really job hunting?

  4. I hope you get to put out for somebody soon! (Using your metaphor for job hunting of course.)

  5. A word ot the wise. Don't put out 'til they put up. Good luck in your quest!


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