July 21, 2011

I'm an Abject Failure as an Evil Stepmother

I have three stepdaughters. 

And I've failed them.

I figured this out after stumbling onto Steptalk ("where stepparents come to vent") the other night.

You really should check out the forums on this site. The tales they tell are sad, angry and harrowing.

If I read the posts correctly, I, as stepmother, should be much more miserable...and so should my stepdaughters.

How have I failed?

I have never used the following words to describe my stepdaughters:


I've never felt these emotions (nor uttered these phrases) during my tenure as Evil Stepmother:

Homocidal rage
"I'm so done with these kids"

I haven't provided them with loads of reasons to hate me.

I suck. I am preventing them from experiencing 'stephood' as the cesspool of negativity it was apparently meant to be.

Oh, it's not all my fault. When I met The Mister, his daughters were already adults - so I missed out on the years where I could have made them hate me by truly resenting their existence.

Caution: Sarcasm ahead. 
When I thought about joining this family, I had such lofty goals about being the biggest, baddest stepmother who ever stomped the Earth.

I'd wring my evil hands and laugh maniacally, hatching up plots of supreme malevolence.

I wasted a lot of time, as my plans of evildoing never came to fruition.
If only I had arrived on a scene a decade sooner - they'd now be regaling friends with how spiteful I am.

Unfortunately for them, they'll have to find other adults to despise.

Sorry, girls.

End of sarcasm...mostly.

My stepdaughters have warmly welcomed me into the fold. They may even like me a little...or a lot.

I feel so cheated. How I looked forward to screaming matches and plying them with poison apples.

I kid.

As luck would have it, this stepmother gig is pretty sweet.

And THAT is not my fault at all...I lay all that blame on the girls.


  1. And as long as those stepparents have that mentality about their stepchildren it will never change for them. You think we don't know when we are resented and seen as a hindrance to the new relationship.. yeah YOU are the awesome parent they need to take lessons from.

  2. you are pretty good with "tongue in cheek"...that is what you were doing,,right? lol good job all the way around,

  3. I am no longer married to my stepkids dad, but they are still my step children! Shoot - they are my KIDS in my heart! I love being the "other mother" to all of them. And, much like you, I have probably disappointed many in not being the "evil" stepmom at all.

    My oldest 3 stepkids in fact, don't even speak to their father, but do still come and visit me. That's his fault, not mine, but I am flattered and overjoyed that they still consider me family and want my advice and love!


  4. This is wonderful. My stepgirls really do like me ... not always certain about the boy though, if he does or not. It is awesome to become friends and enjoy those big kids and their families. Glad you got some good girls along with your good husband.

  5. I think you are a success story. Plus your step-daughters are probably awesome girls anyway.

  6. You are very lucky with the timing of your "stepmotherdom". Can you imagine the drama of any girls from 12 to 20? (sarcasm) You have missed out on some really fun times.....

    I'm happy for you. They sound awesome, too!



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