August 07, 2011

Jordyn and Grandma's Excellent Adventure

While I've been at home doing my freelance writing gig, our seven-year old granddaughter Jordyn has been planning out our future. She's obviously the brains of the outfit.

I talked to her on the phone the other day, and she has things all worked out.

She's talking Hollywood, yo. Her inspiration came from playing a lick on her Burger King Paper Jamz guitar.

She just pressed a button and "strummed" and voila, music! 

She wants a real guitar so she can take lessons, and she has a teacher in mind. But Jordyn doesn't want to be a head bangin' rock 'n roller - she wants to play soft rock.

She was pretty clear on that.

If a guitar doesn't show up under the tree for Christmas, or for her birthday next February, she'd settle for a piano.

When I told her that I used to play the piano and flute, she got all excited and said that we could have a band together. We'll "write songs and sing them and have concerts and be rich and famous".

And The Boy can join the band, too. I suggested that he play the tambourine. She was down wit dat.

She's willing to entertain the idea of learning to play all instruments - except the bagpipes.

She'd even try the tuba, but cautioned that if she set it on the floor (because it's too heavy for her) to blow into it, the sound might frighten the cats.

She was pretty clear on two things: No hard rock, no bagpipes.

Our first concert will be with teen heartthrob Justin Bieber. Jealous now, aren't you?

But before we can do a few soft rock numbers with Justin, we have to go to "make up and photo shoots and hair and costumes".

She'll be the one "wearing a pretty dress". 

When we become rich and famous (and she said "when", not "if" - the girl's got confidence), "we'll have to move to Hollywood and live in a mansion with a pool".

After our call, I found myself imagining what our lives would be like.

Click here to cue the dream sequence sound effect now.

Here's Jordyn and The Biebster relaxing on the tour bus.

Create your own FACEinHOLE

Here's the soft rock star, dressed for our first concert:

Create your own FACEinHOLE

Of course, we'll be a commercial and critical success. 

We'll be drowning in money!

piles of money Pictures, Images and Photos

We'll soon be followed and harassed by overly-intrusive paparazzi:

courtesy of Jonathan McIntosh

Here I am right before I walked on the red carpet at the Grammy's. Jordyn couldn't attend the awards ceremony because it was past her bedtime.

Create your own FACEinHOLE

Our band will go on a world tour, and perform at sold-out venues. 

We'll stay out too late and abuse caffeine, spend money frivolously on jewels and clothes and toys and jetting to one location after another. Jordyn will grow up too fast and The Boy will be unable to resist the attentions of the hordes of scantily clad groupies.

We'll consider getting tattoos, our entourage will encourage our bad behavior... but nobody will ever get us to play songs with bagpipes. I'll need to go into therapy due to clinical depression because my dream of singing backup in Glascow will never be realized (damned bagpipes).

Unless Justin Bieber asks her to reconsider...I don't think Jordyn can refuse him that one request.

The Boy may yet been seen in this - but he better be wearing undies

Create your own FACEinHOLE

The sound of The Boy yelling, "Hey, Mom!" startled me out of my reverie. I lifted my head from my keyboard and wiped the drool from my cheek. I was so glad to be awakened from that dream.

I'm happy the way things are now (although I wouldn't protest if someone gave me a pile of cash) - we don't need fame and fortune as long as we have each other.

Does anyone know where I can get a used set of bagpipes?


  1. Well, I for sure will be there for your first concert. Because I know that you will send me tickets and a backstage pass.

    I do wish she would reconsider the bagpipes. Especially if she would play something "DIFFERENT"

  2. Your dream is fantastic! And, so is Jordyn's way of thinking. I think she is brilliant!

    My son used to play in a head-banging alternate rock band. But he also has a sensitive side. I bought him the flute part of the bagpipes to begin learning (in case he changed his mind). I think it would be a great idea for The Boy to play!

    I drool when I dream, too!


  3. You had me at "no bagpipes." LOL There isn't anything wrong with dreaming! And you never know...a few vids on YouTube, and the two of you might just be on your way!

  4. Yes! I can see it now, strumming, swinging, swaying to the music. Your granddaughter is a cutie.

  5. Wonderful use of Face in Hole … my all-time favorite goofy web site! May all your dreams come true!

  6. Well, I'm gonna keep my bagpipes on the off chance that you'll let me join the band! What a fun post today! Love it!


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