November 30, 2011

The Time I Had an Exit Strategy

The prompt I chose this week: What did you go through in order to get out?

When you're in a bad marriage, you just want it to end.

At least I did.

After twenty months of matrimonial chaos, I was ready to call it quits. My husband was clueless as to my desires - I'm not even sure he cared. He was glad that he could stay home all day and neglect The Boy while I was out earning a paycheck.

His days were filled with letting The Boy stay in his PJs all day and letting him cry in his crib while HE was napping and eating and making messes...and looking for women online.

Apparently, I was a bitch (that's what one woman told me).

Seems he WAS paying attention after all.

The whole soliciting women for sex online was the straw that broke this camel's back.

I spoke to my oldest stepson who told me that his dad beat his mom with a baseball bat when she attempted to leave - and he did it in front of the children.

Not wanting to be a victim of his rage (and not wanting my two-year old to witness a beating), I had to carefully plan my exit.

After work, I stared looking at apartments closer to my job.

At home, in the evenings, I organized "my" stuff. I rearranged bookshelves so that all of my books were in one section. I packed non-seasonal clothing into a suitcase in the closet. In a fake attempt to organize the kitchen, I suggested that I pack up "my" dishes, since they were taking up too much space.

I had one big problem - he didn't work. He was home all the time. How was I going to safely leave with The Boy?

Medical science came to my rescue. My husband wanted to have a gastric bypass operation in lieu of trying diet and exercise. His doctor scheduled some tests at a local hospital, so I had a date to work with.

I found an apartment and a daycare. I scheduled a moving truck. A couple of guys I worked with volunteered to drive the truck and help me load/unload.

We knew we had a small window of opportunity. The day of the tests, I drove my husband to the hospital. I rushed home and called my co-workers.

While I was waiting for them to arrive with the truck, I started throwing stuff in boxes and Hefty bags. 

When they showed up, we moved into high gear and loaded the truck with the bare essentials. I left most of the furniture behind. I took only what The Boy and I absolutely needed. 

We had the majority of the stuff packed in two and a half hours. When we were finishing up, the phone rang. I shushed the guys and answered.

My husband's testing was completed, he was ready to be picked up. I couldn't get him in my car - it was filled with our clothes.

I yelled, "Oh no! The Boy just spilled a pitcher of tea. I gotta go!"...and hung up the phone.

I then took said phone off the wall and put it in a box, and we left.

My husband waited for me. And waited...for five hours.

He had no cash. He bummed some money from people at the hospital and rode the bus home.

When he came in, he saw that things were gone. He actually called the police at this point. The officer came in and said, "It looks like your wife left you."

Sure did, Officer.

I don't recommend this approach. It was one of the most stressful things that I've ever done.

But a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do.


  1. Oh my gosh I'm having a heart attack just READING that! I can't even imagine experiencing something like that!! I'm so proud of your courage...sounds like things could have ended very poorly. How did he handle things after that?? Did he try to hunt you down? Was he livid?

  2. Wow. That is horrible that you had to go through that, but I'm glad you and the boy got out safely. I hope he left you alone afterwards and that things are better now.
    Stopping by from Mama Kat's.

  3. Oh my! I do hope you're in a much better situation now. This is coming from a person that went through a similar situation except I snuck around and "packed the attic" and it was a trip to Vegas, not the hospital.

    Wishing you the best :)

  4. Ohmygosh!! Wow! I did this prompt too but your story is much more inspiring! Glad you got out of there ...hope everything is good now!! Thanks for sharing!

  5. Holy crap! You, my dear, are a survivor.

    And a fantastic planner.

  6. Wow, what a brave thing to do! I'm so glad you left and that you are safe! Do you ever worry about your step kids, though? Good for you for going "through" that to make you and your baby safe!

    I'm here from mamakat's. I'd love a visit back!


  7. Oh man. I can't even imagine the stress of that. I'm glad you escaped and weren't hurt. I left my first marriage too but didn't have nearly the amount of fear and stress that you did.

  8. Thank God you got out. Talk about courage; you are amazing.

  9. You are a very brave woman and I applaud your courage, although you were probably scared to death at the time.

  10. Bravery and courage just don't seem to be enough to describe what you went through. It's one thing to just leave when it's just you, but you had a child to consider.

    Good for you! And, good for the boy!

  11. This seriously made my heart pound! It's kind of hilarious that he called the cops and they had to tell him you'd left.
    Very glad you got out of that mess!

  12. What an amazing and STRONG woman you are! I would have died right there in the kitchen when he called from a heart attack. I'm so glad you made it "through."

  13. Wow, that was intense to read. I can only imagine how much more intense it was to actually live it.

    Your bravery and strength is astounding. Good for you on taking your life back!!!

  14. I am glad you made it out of a relation based in domestic violence.
    I am German married to an American and have fled him a few months after getting married - now I am self petitioning under the violence against women act to gain my greencard whether I can sue him, its not clear - as foreigner not knowing the US laws better I did not get a restraining order.
    If you like to read my story, here:

  15. You think you've seen it all in movies, right? But when you read it from real women, the experience is always intense. Thanks for sharing. I hope you are doing well. Take care!

  16. OMG! My heart is pounding a mile a minute after reading this! I'm so glad you and the boy were able to escape safely and I hope that life is much better for you. :)

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. :)


Thanks for stopping by. I love your comments...I get all warm inside just reading them!