December 13, 2011

I Am Certain I Will Die During This Cold and Flu Season

Courtesy of ghindo - Creative Commons
And it will most likely be by my own hand.

I'm not physically ill...yet. Unless you count nausea that's induced by listening to the sounds emanating from The Boy (who is across the room from me).

Let me give you a descriptive sample (but without the sounds):

Long, snot-inhaling sniff
two seconds pass

Loud, maniacal laughter 

Note: All laughter of this type is due to viewing inappropriate, yet humorous, internet content. If he ventures into 'dirty old man heheheh' laughter, he's most likely viewing porn.

one second passes
Loud, open-mouthed cough

What happened to coughing into the crook of your arm?

two seconds pass
Two snot-inhaling sniffs
Snicker, loud guffaw

four seconds pass - now, in quick succession
Gulping from swallowing twelve ounces of soda in a millisecond
Grunting from pain from soda burning throat
Two ear-splitting burps
Three snot-inhaling sniffs (I was so tempted to write this to the melody of the '12 Days of Christmas'!)
One open-mouthed cough
Loud, uproarious laughter

Repeat sequence (except for the soda, it's gone)

It's a good thing we don't own firearms.

This 'concert' will play on a loop from 3:30 pm until 8:00 pm weekdays, and will be on 24/7 on weekends.

Dear God, please let this be some quirky thing; let him be well enough to go to school tomorrow.

What do you think will kill me first - the insanity, or the germs wafting through the air?

I considered throwing the box of Kleenex at him (you know, merely as a cue); instead, I told him I'd make him dinner AFTER he blew his nose. He made a feeble attempt and returned to his usual sniffing a minute or so later.

Do you think it's possible to mask the taste of Nyquil in hamburgers?

Bedtime update: I hooked him up with his own box of Kleenes, cough medicine and a cool mist humidifier.

First, he spilled half the humidifier water in his room (glug, glug glug), when he attempted to place the unit on the floor. Lucky for us, it was on the oh-so-very-uneven mountain of dirty laundry, and not the carpet. 

He's asleep and not coughing or sniffing, thankyouJesus.

Guess who's doing laundry tonight?


  1. Rest while he sleeps. Dose him with cold meds and enjoy the snoring; it;s better than sot suffling.

  2. I just shot milk out of my nose when you said "chortle" and then started humming the 12 days of christmas song.

    Thank goodness he didn't keep it up all night long.

  3. Oh ick. Your life is just full of blog fodder isn't it?


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