February 27, 2012

Providing for the Common Defense - It's My Constitutional Right

Does anyone remember the signs that used to adorn buildings back in the day? They indicated that the building was a place of refuge in the event of a (nuclear/foreign/military) attack.

Started in 1962, (my ex-SIL worked at our county's underground facilities in the 60s), Civil Defense planned what to do in the event of a nuclear holocaust or military attack from a foreign enemy, besides putting your head between your legs and kissing your ass goodbye.

For the past three weeks, I've been making my own civil defense plan, of a sorts. It's about The Boy, and what steps will be taken in the event of HIS next nuclear-type meltdown.

He's on his last chance at home. His next physical outburst will not bring him a positive result, and I really hate having to plan for this eventuality, but it is what it is.

Anyhow, a very angry psychiatrist scolded me (yelled, actually) about my refusal to have The Boy arrested during his last outburst. 

If I don't have this Civil Defense-type plan in place by next week, and have his therapist report to said shrink, the shrink is dropping The Boy as a patient.

We need drugs. She's the one with the magic prescription pad. So a plan is in the works. I've spent hours poring over websites of possible placements. I've talked to the juvenile probation office, several residential treatment facilities and social service agencies and worried myself silly about all of this.

Due to budget cuts, many services are no longer available (like anger management classes); many residential treatment facilities do not take The Boy's health insurance for payment. It's likely that the courts will determine his fate beyond arrest.

We made a last-ditch effort by having The Boy evaluated for a community-based program that involves having someone visit at home to help us all get along better.

It has a four- to six-month waiting period, due to recent staff cuts.

The Boy thinks I want to get rid of him - and he's had no further outbursts of a major magnitude, thank goodness.

I prefer to think of it as exercising my Constitutional right of domestic tranquility. We're providing for the common defense - I just never thought my own child would be whom I'd be protecting myself from.

This plan is only good until The Boy turns 17 in July - at that point, he is an adult in the eyes of the law - and I will have no say in what happens to him in the event of a physical altercation.


  1. Those therapists are not the parents of your child. listen to your heart.

  2. I'm sorry but... HOLY SHIT!!!

    Have him arrested?? OMG Isn't that what we're supposed to be AVOIDING!? I'd die.. Die and kidnap him and run away (it's our plan actually if something REALLY bad happens). Meds for SURE could help (i imagine). What is having him arrested and having him exposed to REAL offenders of the law?

    WOW. I hope you can find an alternative soon. Here, people just recommend putting Tommy in residential so that he can go to school. Aside from the fact he's been in school since he was 2 yrs old and he's 17 now.. I think he's DONE. Of course.. just ship him away and the problem is gone. They'll be free to restrain him and robotic-ally force him to do everything he doesn't want to do.
    Again.. I'd die before I could let that happen.

    This system just angers me. Beyond control! When Tommy was pink slipped for the psych ward for losing control, the head of the Emergency room comes to us to express his apologies because though Tommy needed help.. "there are no beds available". They didnt know WHAT to do with him. Their alternative? Well they could take him to juvenile JAIL.. or we could take him home. This system is so screwed up. Of course we took him home and made other arrangements.

    (((hugs)))) Hope you're able to figure something out soon

  3. Wow. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. I hope you can find some sort of peace in all this soon.

  4. My heart aches for you and this situation. My kids' ADHD and Bi-Polar pale in comparison. I'm sending prayers for finding the best outcome for everyone.

  5. I have been where you are hun. Like you I wanted to avoid that route at all costs because I didn't want my son thinking I wanted him gone. However I did finally come to the conclusion in allowing his behavoir to control the whole house I was not being fair to him either. Bipolar and ADHD along with his list of other things can be HELPED with medication. But at some point they must learn self control as well to fill in the gap. They have to learn that everyone has a breaking point and there is a place that enough is enough. Mine knows there will be law called if he outbursts again. I love him with all of my heart but I will now allow him to tear up my whole house because he doesn't want to learn self control.

  6. As always, I have very little of help to offer you. Perhaps the threat of a civil defense plan will be enough to keep the Boy in check. It sucks that the programs that could help are so understaffed or you're limited by insurance. Its sickening actually. Good luck and hugs to you.

  7. Looks like my original message didn't go through, but now I have something else that I just came across:
    Kim, I was watching this video that was sent to me by a friend (doctor) and I was mainly viewing it for Alzheimer's, but at the end of the video it has some mention of helping other things, including Autism and so I thought I'd pass it along,


  8. Kim, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Don't pass up medication for him if can help. One of my dear friends has a daughter who has ADHD, and when things become to much she has huge emotional events. (HUGE) Medication hasn't stopped it altogether, but it has helped her control her impulses and she is the first to say "thank goodness" that medication helps her get through her days without a meltdown. There is no shame in facilitating that sort of help.

    As to finding a placement for him, I wish you good luck. Being removed from the home and put in a facility where he will receive the help he needs may be something that you--and he--look back on and say it was the best thing. Not easy, but perhaps necessary. You'll know what to do, which way to go, when the time comes.

    I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.


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