January 07, 2013

How I'm Counting on TJMaxx to Save Our Marriage!

I went shopping with Desiree the other day. She had Christmas and babysitting money that was burning a hole in her pocket.

I tagged along as she selected many items of clothing at Plato's Closet. When we were done there, we went across the road to TJMaxx. Again, she searched for clothes. 

She's into sequins and glittery stuff this year. She showed me stuff that I remember from the 70s and 80s. And when I say "remember", I really mean "remember how hideous it looked back then".

"It's all coming back in style, Grandma."

While she went to the dressing room, I browsed in the beauty aids section of the store. It's foreign territory to me - who knew there were so many products to make one pretty? There were more mani/pedi implements than at my local nail salon. All they needed were the magnificent massage chairs.

Then I caught sight of the one item I knew would keep our bedroom life happy. Who knew TJMaxx had marital aids?

I hoped it would fit comfortably. I hoped I wouldn't look ridiculous while using it.

Giddy with my shopping prowess, we headed to the register to check out. Bag in hand, we hurried back to the car, where I immediately tried it on.

Perfection. Desiree thought I should drive while wearing it, but I said she was crazy. I knew I'd get lots of use out of it in the bedroom.

When I got home, I put it on and asked The Mister how I looked.

"You look goofy." But I didn't let that deter me. I just knew it was going to make our bedroom life better.

And it did...at least for me.

And isn't my happiness the most important thing? You don't have to answer it, we all know it's the truth.

The Mister played games on the computer in the bedroom until well after midnight, but I didn't care. I took care of myself, if you catch my drift. Then I slipped off to sleep despite the tap, tap tap of the keyboard and the irritating light from the monitor.

Five dollars for bedroom bliss.

Cute, isn't it?

It's no C cup. In fact, it's no see cup, either. It just may be the secret to us having a long and happy marriage. Wanna see? We're friends, I don't mind showing you how it fits.

I slept like a rock. Six hours without waking up once. It's a miracle.


  1. I thought it was a bra!!! LOL You're good!

  2. I must say … I thought perhaps you had stumbled across a vibrator or something at TJ Maxx.

    And I don't know a girl under the age of 12 who isn't bedecked in glitter and sequins and sparkles!

  3. I laughed out loud while reading this at SCHOOL. You got me.

  4. I am a frequent TJMaxx shopper so I was all, "HUH? I never saw anything like THAT there!" And then I saw the pic and while I thought it looked like what it indeed is, I thought maybe I was still confused and that it was something to quieten your husband's keyboard tapping. Thank God you cleared it all up!

  5. Kim--I laughed, too. I think this would make a wonderful story for the NYMB series--perhaps the one on "secrets," since it is the "secret" to your marital bliss?

  6. Cracked me up! And reminded me to find my old masks now that I'm back on night shift.....

  7. Great post... I think I need one of those!


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