May 01, 2013

The Morning Assault on My Eardrums

The Boy is often quite talkative, but more so in the morning. So if you're the kind of person who needs to wake up slowly before enduring an endless litany of comments, jokes, complaints and self-absorbed pontification, you may want to avoid our house in the morning.

Here's a sampling of the stuff he's uttered in the past couple of days. Some of the following are excerpts of our actual conversations - other tidbits are the random comments he indiscriminately blurts out.

"Holy Hell, woman, brush your hair!"

"Mom, do you want to watch and listen to the full Broadway version of 'Springtime for Hitler and Germany?' It's on Youtube...Look, it's bratwurst! At least the women had more clothing on than in the movie!"

"Mom, do you like bunnies? Don't you want one?"

"I shouldn't have eaten that cheeseburger cold. I have the farts. I wouldn't come in here if I was you."

"Don't let The Mister drink the iced tea. It's pretty sugary. I could only find the 1/2 cup measuring cup."

"What if babies can secretly communicate with animals? What if the babies are having conversations with pets? You know, moms do teach their kids all the animal sounds."

"Mom, why does it feel like pee in here? Oh, never mind, it's my bladder."

"Elijah and I are starting a company - Worthless Penguin Productions - and Elijah made us a logo." He showed me a very detailed drawing of a penguin with a bent beak, attempting to push a square peg into a round hole.

Some mornings, The Boy does a long monologue about Walt Disney or Warner Brothers or The Muppets; other days, we talk about school and the grandkids while he's watching the first half of The Daily Show or Colbert Report...he shuts the TV off after the first half of each program. He doesn't want to see the guest interviews - he only wants the opening commentary.

"I didn't have time to finish my worksheet - we had too much other work to do. We listened to Obama's second inaugural address, then listened to Reagan's first address - and had to a compare and contrast. I said I liked both of them. I thought Eli was going to freak out - he hates all Republicans." Then we had a chat about the last bunch of Republican candidate wannabes...and he mentioned Jeb Bush as a possibility for 2016.

The Boy has been interested in politics since 2000. Yes, at five years of age, he was telling me who "WE should vote for". He'd give opinions on speeches and sound bites and paid attention to the news about the election.

At Halloween (during the 2004 election), he trick-or-treated and said, "Thank you for your support" to each and every family who had a Kerry/Edwards campaign sign in their yard.

It's never quiet and boring when my square peg is home.


  1. Ahhh, but the contributions he will make if only commentary. I like that kid!

  2. Kim--You don't need a television with your son around. I hope you're writing some of these things down. It would make a wonderful book.,.

  3. During the week I get up at six and step into the office at eight. The vast majority of the time if I say 'good morning' to a co-worker, or v/v that will be my first actual live human voice encounter of the day.
    My mornings are two full hours of me not communicating, or being directly communicated with. It's heavenly.

    1. Dennis,
      I value the quiet...more so that I'm working from home. Today I asked The Mister if he could make his lunch without talking.

      My workday ends at 3 when The Boy gets off the school bus - and starts again after he goes to bed.


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