December 26, 2013

'Twas the Day After Christmas...and it Wasn't Pretty

'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the land
Grumpy children and their parents were taking a stand.
"We don't like our presents!", they complained Christmas night
"We must get a refund, and make our gifts right!"

They set their alarm clocks and got up at dawn,
ignoring the Christmas finery adorning their lawns.
And Mama in her yoga pants, and Pa in his Crocs
They dressed with abandon, and forgot to wear socks.

They piled in their cars and vans, and loaded them with stuff
That didn't make them satisfied; it just wasn't enough
With closets abrimming and toyboxes full
Delusions that new gifts would make them feel cool.

The frost on the windshields from the weather last night,
made driving through parking lots a trip of great fright,
when what to Pa's wondering eyes should appear,
a space in Row 8 that was relatively near,
But a woman in a Prius so lively and quick
took that spot for herself - she was driving a stick.

The shoppers, all anxious, were running to the door,
And the children were shouting, "But Mom, I want more!"
"Now, Daddy, now Mommy! now find us a cart:
We need another Furby; computers make us smart!"

To Electronics, to Housewares, to Toys to buy stuff!
The presents you got us simply just weren't enough!
The Customer Service line was so long
Grumpy folks and their packages made quite a throng.

As they waited their turn, and they glanced at the shelves
Half-empty of gadgets and geegaws for themselves
So up to the counter they made their way
Exchanging their crap for gift cards that day.

And then in a twinkling they rushed through the store,
Pawed through the merchandise, and picked out some more
More twinkle lights, more wrapping, and the children started to wail
"Be quiet, my children - this stuff is on SALE!"

Dad fought with a young man who wanted a Wii,
"I got it first, you moron - give it to ME!"
They wrestled and struggled to get that prized box
Dad's feet were sweating in his Crocs with no socks

Mom's eyes, how they twinkled, her children so surly
She wanted a flat iron on sale - no more curly
Hair on her head, diet pills to lose weight
Six months of this regimen, and she's sure she'd look great.

Happy to exchange the slow cooker she got from Aunt Sue
for dreams of great beauty - after all, wouldn't you?
Little Davey wants Lego Chima, he wants so much more
Frustrated, he tantrums, and falls on the floor

"I hate what Santa got me, he didn't read my list!
I wanted an iPad and instead I got this!"

After hours of shopping and swapping they went
Home with their treasures, thank you cards to be sent
Mom, looking at toys left abandoned on the floor
"Next year, we'll keep Christmas simple - we sure don't need more!"


  1. Kim--I hope your Christmas was fun and relaxing. You sure gave me a chuckle today...

  2. Bwhahahah I can honestly say we have never had to return something. I think I would go insane or wait till the week after or something as to deal with the people that were out and about.

  3. You sure have captured America's day after Christmas. I laughed out loud at Crocs with no socks. I think you could write a kids book about stinky, sweaty Croc feet.


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